Help Wanted: Seeking Assistant/Intern for Tomfoolery that is Vicktor Alexander

Preparing a manuscript (I SUCK at formatting), to doing a fad analysis (I don't want to work on wolf shifters if the hot new craze is virgins-I'd rather work on my Virgin Special Forces series, you know? Stay relevant), to running a virtual book tour (Dudes I have NOOO idea how to do one, get on one or anything) or an Amazon best seller campaign (again, what? My books are on Amazon-*silent scream* but no idea how get folks interested in buying them over there), answering emails from mailing list, monthly newsletter (upcoming releases, fun facts, contests, hot pictures, journal post from one of the characters that I'll give you), return all emails within a 12-24 hour period so nobody is left hanging, managing Author Page on Facebook (I'd give you access to it), one of those hot, book promo video things on Youtube, managing swag and giveaways, sending prizes and cards to fans/mailing list members (I'd pay for postage) helping to maintain blogs.
To start off I'd be able to pay like... free copies of my books, plus special swag (Got the idea for some "Team Tommy" T-shirts today, which of course sparked "Team Richard", "Team Michael," "Team Alex" and "Team Maurice"-all the names of the mates from the Tate Pack series) and other things, for whomever says, "Yes Vic, I love you enough to help you do this and to not suck and to be awesome.

And yes I am SOOOO serious! If you're really interested email me your resume/credentials for interning/assisting at:                VicktorAlexander@vicktoralexander.com I will send you over a list of the duties that I need done and give you a break down of compensation (free books, swag, etc.).I need your help! *sad face*
-Vicktor Alexander