Being Married to a Workaholic
Work is meant to be a gift. It’s meant to be life-giving, provide opportunities and rest. When someone gets this flipped upside down, work can become an idol. It’s where you seek your respect, praise and identity.
When this happens in a marriage, one of two things can occur. Either you recognize you have an issue neglecting your home life, or you wind up hitting rock bottom losing everything. We each have a choice in how we deal with our work situations. You can be healthy or unhealthy and I chose health.
Order of Importance
If you are a believer in Jesus, there is an order of importance to life. It’s God, spouse, children, and then work. Most people get this flipped around. They put work first, then children, spouse and God last. When things are out of order, your life will slowly fall apart. It may be apparent when you and your spouse go to bed at separate times or you won’t take vacation. My son got so excited when daddy decided to spend the day with us at a water park. He hugged his daddy and told him thank you! I stood there heartbroken we had gotten to this point.
Constant neglect slowly fades the love between spouses, your children and your relationship with God. When you can’t tell a difference, it is time for a wake-up call.
Success in it’s Rightful Place
I walked away from my career to stay home with my babies. I’ve regretted my decision at times when people discount you for staying home. Sometimes you defend yourself and other times you walk away not dignifying the other person with a response. I love celebrating my friends successes and victories as they’ve set out on new career paths. The same is true for my spouse. We celebrate his promotions and provision for our family.
When success, promotion and money become your God, it ends up leading to a hollow life. There is no true fulfillment or joy outside of a relationship with Christ. He is the only thing which can bring you true freedom and life. Try and see for yourself!
There are so many testimonies of people who had it all and lost their soul along the way. They realized there were more important things in life such as family, vacation and spending time with the Creator of the Universe. There has to be a balance between provision and life. Success comes more fully when you lay down your plans and career, and ask God, ‘What do you want me to do?’ He always has something bigger than we can imagine waiting on the other side.
What’s Next?
I don’t know. That is my answer for this season. We have been walking through a separation, laying down our future plans, and gathering up the courage to put one foot in front of the other. When you are married to a workaholic, you finally come to the end of your situation and ask the big question, ‘What’s next?’ That’s where the rub is. Until the person recognizes there is a problem (as with any addiction), there can’t be restoration. My prayer has been ‘Break him to remake him.’ What that looks like only God knows. However, I know whatever heart ache, problem or challenge you face, there is a big God who conquers big problems. Once you recognize Him as your ultimate provider, then the rest of your story can be written.
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