4 Things Better Than a Sloth

By now I'm sure you've already seen Kristen Bell's adorable video where she literally has a panic attack because her fiance surprised her with a visit from a sloth for her birthday. If not, see the link below. PS, it takes a sloth 90 minutes to drown because of how slowly it breathes. Srsly.

Kristen Bell & The Sloth

ANYWAY. I watched this vid and wondered what kind of surprise could send me into a similar tailspin. Here's what I came up with.

1. Levar Burton

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But you don't have to take MY word for it...

After years of mingling with celebs, I rarely get starstruck. Mostly I get judgy and try to tell what kind of plastic surgery they've had or if they're really thinner than me or just have a great pair of Spanx.

The exception to this is Reading Rainbow host Levar Burton, who was practically like my surrogate uncle growing up I watched that show so much. I would absolutely come unglued if I met him. To this day, I secretly can't understand how someone could be racist against black people…do they not know that Levar is black?!

 

2. A Puppy Party

Cannot...compute...ADORABLENESS?!?1!!!one!!

I looked into doing this one year for my birthday. Basically someone brings like 15 puppies and you play with them for an hour. Just swarm yourself with nibbly, puppy-scented PUPPIES. I nixed the idea when I realized that I'd probably stuff 3 or 4 of them into my purse and make a run for it.

 

3. Free Candy

In world of pure imagination! Oh, and gluttony.

A few years ago, Klo and I went to a re-opening of Dylan's Candy Bar here in NYC. It was open bar (obviously) but also, OPEN CANDY. As in, take as much candy as you want. As much candy as you want. Between the two of us, we nabbed 8 lbs of treats, no joke. After the event we ended up wasted at Butter, handing out fistfulls of gummy worms as tips to the coat check girl. I also ended up going home with my ex-boyfriend's teammate, but that's really neither here nor there.

 

4. The Golden Girls

No, thank YOU for being a friend

You know what? I have fervently loved The Golden Girls since before it was cool, ask ANYONE. I went to Rue McClanahan's book signing once and nearly wet my pants. Last night I had a dream that I met Betty White and she said she'd send me a recipe for peanut butter cookies, and I cried. Not in the dream, IRL. I was so happy when I woke up, I kind of cried.

 

So, that's me: candy, puppies and stars of  '80s TV. I am what I am.