Start Your Engines Podcast: On Frequency, Libido–and Being Sex Starved
It’s time for our men’s podcast–and this week we’re continuing our conversation about libido differences and looking at frequency.
Keith and I focused on high drive husbands and high drive wives–and questions to ask if you’re feeling sexually deprived.
So first–listen in!
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We talk about libido in very stark terms–so that we often misunderstand it and make problems worse.
One thing that Keith brought up in the podcast is that men are told that they will always have these ravenous libidos, and lust becomes a way of proving your manhood. In fact, the way that we talk about lust as being “every man’s battle” can actually make porn problems worse in young men (or start them in the first place) because guys think that if they don’t lust, they’re not real men.
This also makes high drive wives feel very unloved, because they’re told their whole lives that their husbands will be all over them. So what happens if they aren’t?
We tackled a bunch of things in this podcast, from how scheduling sex can help if you’re married to someone with low libido; how we have to ask if we’ve been doing what we can to nurture our sexual relationship, rather than just assuming our spouse is at fault.
And, of course, if you want your wife to want sex, you have to give her something to want in the first place. So make it good for her!
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A Timeline for the Podcast
TIMESTAMPS:
0:30 What is the average frequency of sex in marriage?
6:10 How do we best discuss different libido levels?
7:45 The most likely reason your wife might not want sex
12:40 Reader Story: From a higher libido wife
15:00 Why your sexual needs might not be met just by having intercourse
20:45 Your wife isn’t methadone
24:00 In the church, why do we talk about lust the way we do?
26:15 A message for lower drive husbands
32:07 Some final tips to help your sex life
Things Mentioned in this Podcast
31 Days to Great Sex--a great challenge for couples
Can Scheduling Sex work for you?
How often do couples make love? What’s a healthy frequency of sex? (with links to the studies we mentioned)
A Word to the Low Libido Spouses
10 Questions for High Drive Husbands to Ask Themselves
8 Questions to High Drive Wives to Ask Themselves
Can We Understand Sex from a Woman’s Perspective?
And, of course, sign up for my email list so you’ll be notified when The Orgasm Course is available!
How can we have those conversations when we’re feeling sexually frustrated? Do you agree that sexual frustration is often not just a frequency problem? Let’s talk in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
Sheila has been married to Keith for 28 years, and happily married for 25! (It took a while to adjust). She’s also an award-winning author of 8 books, including The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila is passionate about changing the evangelical conversation about sex and marriage to line up with kingdom principles. ENTJ, straight 8
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