Grab Bag.

I am extremely careful when cutting peppers.Slicing, dicing, mincing, whatever. I eat the damn things in just about everything, so I'm doing it a lot, too. Invariably when I'm working with peppers, especially really hot ones, my body does weird things, like my eyes will itch or my junk will need to be adjusted. Every. Damn. Time. And I will forget and rub my eye. Or worse, stick my hand down my pants and "shake hands with Mr. Happy." Then I will have a case of the dick burns, which, I am fairly certain, only a blowjob can cure.

Money is so whatever. I have chosen this path and…period. Success is defined by that alone. This is what I am going to do until I die. "All other priorities," as Ash says creepily in Alien, "are rescinded." I have made money before and it was not that fun. The having it, I mean. The making it was fun. The building of a completely unconventional lifeplan that resulted in so much money, now that was fun. It was like I had pulled a practical joke on the universe and the universe totally fell for it. But having lots of money bred boredom with the unusual, which is a terrible way to be. It generated stuff, none of which, I realized, I wanted. I mean, why did I buy an enormous oak table with four enormous oak chairs when I only eat in bed while watching Seinfeld dvds? If my rent is paid (I wouldn't ever own a house) and my car is running and my fridge has food and beer in it and there's a twenty dollar bill in my pocket, I'm good. The rich say money cannot buy happiness and the poor say easy for you to say. The poor say it's easier to cry in a mansion than a shitty one bedroom apartment, but it isn't. It's fucking shameful.

Silk boxers give me wood. Every step I take it's "Oh, baby."

Do not be fooled by your life. Do not think that at some point—when you graduate, get married, get promoted, have kids, buy your first home—your life will begin. Life, John Lennon wrote, is what happens when you're busy making plans.

I find it very telling that the basic morality one finds among atheists, called in a sort generic, pop psychology way "being a good person", is the same basic morality you find in any other religious expression. Tolerance, generosity, kindness, compassion, etc., are the moral bedrocks of Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, and any other religion you can think of. There is a reason for this, but no one can tell me what it is. Christians will tell you "God says so," which don't cut it, and atheists will just shrug and quote some more Carl Sagan. There is an underlying truth to all religions. Atheistic humanism is simply man being religious and behaving morally without (so he imagines) a god. If anyone can explain to me why us humans have the same basic idea of goodness, despite a religious or non-religious bent, I will give you five bucks.

Prisca Theologia, bitches! \m/

I am officially sick of lists of things writers should (or shouldn't) do. Top ten this, top ten that. Eight things blah, blah, blah. Sure, there might be some gems in all these stupid lists, but that doesn't make 'em any less stupid. Some are pretty pompous and downright incorrect, though. For example, I saw one that told me I shouldn't write in the first person. Excuse me, I mean HIM. It told HIM he shouldn't write in the first person. And what are the qualifications for making one of these lists? Just making one, that's all. "I made a list. I'm a writing expert!" Or maybe just having a blog. Hell, it's 2012. My cat has a blog. Anyway, here's my own list, THE TOP ONE THING WRITERS OF WRITING ADVICE LISTS SHOULD DO.

1. Stop.