in the weeds

I didn’t go to the garden yesterday. It rained all afternoon and my 2pm conference call lasted more than an hour as my film agent tried to explain every clause in the latest offer. I tried to stay focused and think I now understand all the rights up for grabs, which ones we’ll relinquish and which ones we’ll reserve. I’m not in any rush to seal the deal but I still feel pressed because I didn’t finish Moonwalking by Monday, which means my co-author is waiting on me as well as our editor. I think we all have a slightly different vision for the book so we really need to sit down and find common ground…but we can’t do that until my poems are done! I wrote three yesterday and stayed up late, which meant I slept in this morning. Woke up already worrying about my long To Do list…yesterday I heard from a theater producer who wants to collaborate, and every day I get 2-3 requests for a virtual visit. I haven’t been leaving the house this week much but in between penning lines of verse I get up and pace the apartment, stopping to tidy something, hang a picture, put up one more curtain. The apartment is just about done and I do feel settled and yet I don’t—projects and gigs that are scheduled for later in the month aren’t on my mind right now but that doesn’t stop the organizers from reaching out with requests…I dreamed of Scotland last night but I wasn’t living an anonymous life—I was still signing books and talking to kids. I’m not sure that will ever stop. And I don’t think I want it to stop completely. I’m starting to understand how some of my friends have thousands of unread emails in their inboxes. If I weren’t so obsessive about clearing my inbox, I could let a few weeks go by before I responded to all these requests. But they tug at my brain and they’re mixed in with messages I do want to read. I’m so grateful for my friends and all the support they provide…on Saturday I got my copy of ME & MAMA which is a gorgeous new picture book by Cozbi Cabrera. We got to hang out safely at the bookstore and my other new neighbor Elisa gave me a quick history of racism in the local library system over a slice of pie. On Sunday I planned to attend a service of lament for Jacob Blake and then checked my calendar and realized I had a Zoom presentation at the same time…We’ve got a working cover for my next picture book, which features original artwork by Gracie Berry; I had hoped to have it done before leaving Lancaster but better late than never. I’m mostly juggling things pretty well and will feel much better once my poems are finished. I hate to keep people waiting but I don’t want to turn in shoddy work. That’s one of my mantras for the fall: “I can finish what I start.” I’m not a dilettante. I’m not a slacker. I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew. Yes, I have moved three times in three years but I do have a sense of purpose. Everything will get done in time…