Placing my adult son up for adoption. PM if interested.

So I have a kid, right? And I love him and yadda yadda yadda, but this week he got his first apartment. Although only 18, he is an independent man living on his own. I kind of helped matters in that department by immediately packing my bags and moving the fuck away the day after he graduated high school. If that ain't a hint, I don't know what is.

What bugs me is that his apartment is bigger than mine. I just got off the horn with him and he was all bragging about it, the little fucker. "You know your whole living room and bedroom?" he goes. "Yeah, my bedroom's a little bigger than that."

Additionally, he has a dishwasher. I do not. "Tried it out it tonight. Very cool. I just filled it up with dirty dishes, put some soap in it, pushed a button, and went and sat on my ass. An hour later, BOOM! Clean dishes."

Know what else? He has a cool neighbor. "Yeah, I met him in the hall and he invited me over for a few beers. The first thing I saw when I walked into his apartment was a huge stack of Vonnegut books. He's also into meditation."

My neighbor? He beats his dogs and throws trash all over the yard.

Where did I go wrong in raising myself???