Futility (continues in comments)
You spit in my face
While...
Futility (continues in comments)
You spit in my face
While offering your hand
I know you don’t care
Not about me
Not anymore
You make every effort
To make sure I
Don’t forget
The horse has been beaten so much
All that’s left is a bloody puddle
Almost bordering on perversion
Does it get you off
Trying to reduce me to nothing?
Trying to goad me to fight?
So you can hold me up and say
How you were always right?
Justified?
Abused?
I know I must be better
Forego the need to attain
That ever elusive vindication
That you will forever spitefully deny me
A queen of sycophants
Who sing to your glory
Willing thralls, as I was
Without courage to see or question
My forced exile
Was a blessing in disguise
It slowly but surely
Showed me the world as it was
Rather than what
You allowed me to see
As the distance grew
The shadows found their voice
Hushed whispers filled with truth
Detailing the horrors behind the veil
That I,
Blinded by a silent promise of everything,
Ignored in the name of hope and love
The greatest truth of all
That I was a symbol of consequence
An embodiment of your guilt
That you could not and would not face
That I was made an example of
The lengths you would go to run and hide,
To denounce me due to a shared affliction
And to share is to be vulnerable
A treasonous expectation
So you had me exiled as punishment
Yet it came to be my salvation
The sycophants will crow and mewl
Just as you’ve trained them to
I am the villain after all
Or what you can’t control
At least not anymore
A sacrifice had to be made
It certainly wasn’t going to be you
So who better than
Your most loyal subject?
Though I still hurt
There is meaning in the pain
It comes from accepting the past
Not denying it
It comes from looking to the future
Not longing for it
It comes from grounding in the now
Not ignoring it
While I don’t think
I could forgive you
For all the things I know now
I can at least forgive myself
Because I know I did everything I could
I tried to understand
See the world through your eyes
Cheer you on even when it hurt
I chose to fight
I chose love
I chose us
#mikerburns #futility #love #loss #heartache #hurt #selfforgiveness #acceptanceiskey #bpdstruggles (at Geelong, Victoria)
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