Doing the Hard Work of Reconciliation

@bethvogt

My youngest daughter, Christa and I had an argument two weeks ago.

Arguing is unusual for us. It’s unusual for me to argue with any of my adult children.

That said, a rather intense verbal wrangling occurred, with both of us saying, “You wanna’ go?” at some point. It sounds better when an almost 20-year-old says it.

Christa here. I don’t remember either of us saying this; however, it’s not hard for me to believe that we did. What I do remember is this was one of the most heated fights with my mom.

I’m happy to say Christa and I have reconciled. We talked our stuff through and forgave one another in a true, honest way, where things aren’t covered up or ignored.

  That was the biggest part of the whole conversation for me. Yes, it was hard. There were things that were hard to say and hard to hear. But those things have to be brought to light for true reconciliation.

Reconciliation didn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it takes a while to work through tough issues. Yes, I know the admonition not to let the sun go down on your anger. I believe in it, too. But here’s the thing: not all disagreements – arguments, fights, whatever you want to call them – can be resolved by the time the sun sets. Life doesn’t always fit in the rising and setting of the sun.

But in the midst of all the angst – and there was angst and silence and tears – Christa and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we loved each other. That we would figure this out. That this uncomfortable state of affairs wasn’t permanent.

And now I want to mention the dream I had during the in-between time.

I had no idea about any dream until Mom said, “Hey, you should read this blog post I wrote.”

Christa and I still hadn’t talked things out to the reconciliation point. I took a nap because, well, I was in the middle of a 2-day migraine.

In the dream, I was upset. I knew I needed to stop holding onto my anger and unforgiveness. Got it. I needed to stop wanting to be right. Got it. (Although doesn’t thinking you’re right feel good?)

I found these two clear plastic containers and exhaled my anger and unforgiveness into them. As I did, the containers filled up with this toxic green smoke.

After I had done this, I could breathe again.

There was no need to wonder “What was that dream about?”

I’m very thankful for this dream, for both of us. It helps us both move on from any pain or anger and step into a new season of our relationship. I’m thankful for a mom who is willing to forgive and go through the hard times so we can continue to cherish the good.

Doing the Hard Work of Reconciliation https://bit.ly/3izMrUS #relationships #forgiveness
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'It is not 'forgive and forget' as if nothing wrong had ever happened, but 'forgive and go forward ...' to create a new future.' https://bit.ly/3izMrUS #reconciliation #relationships
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