[rant]
The past one year, I have constantly told myself, “Sum, people don’t care.” It was at times a heartbreaking revelation and at times it was liberating.
See, the thing is, I have been warring with this nagging thought of wondering where the compassion is.
Compassion is not limited to loving only what you understand.
In a place where going to the grocery store has the risk of bumping into ghosts, avoidance was my best friend. They say avoidance and anxiety go hand in hand. If you avoid the thing you’re dreading, you don’t have to face the anxiety, you see?
In a place where every step reminded me of my insecurities – my inadequacy, my decisions, my mental health, the things I’ve lost – my head was a tangle of useless thoughts like wasps, stinging again and again and again.
I have never been so angry, so low, so small, so hurt, so alone, in my life.
Throughout this year I have constantly told myself that people don’t care.
They see you struggling and they don’t care.
They see you crawling with your blood smeared behind you, fighting for breath, and they turn the other way.
YES people make mistakes. Life didn’t come with a fucking rule book and we’re all still figuring this shit out. Still, people don’t care. I cannot stress this enough – there are TWO sides to every story.
It was time it was put out there – this is not okay. Running the other way when a friend is at rock bottom, when they need you, is NOT fucking okay.
It is NOT okay to ignore the fact that someone is visibly crying out for help just to satiate your toxic positivity.
It is not okay to whisper behind manicured nails and snigger at people’s flaws – hey, we’re all fucking human.
It has taken me an excruciating amount of time to finally see this ghost town for what it is, its ghosts for what they are, and start getting on my bleeding feet. Slowly, FINALLY.
This might sound like a pointless rant but this is for those who feel so alone they’ve forgotten the sound of their own voice, for those who have so much going on they wonder how to survive the next day, the next minute.
This is for the broken, the recovering, the struggling, the shrunk, the bullied, the black sheep, the lonely, the heartbroken, the grieving, the healing. This is for me.
