I Can't Breathe

I’m so angry with everything that it’s been difficult to properly form my thoughts. 

I’ll try anyway.

The whole world watched a cop slowly murder a man. 

The whole world watched another cop kill another black man.

Nine minutes of footage and it took 4 days to charge the murderer. 

In that time,

A black CNN reporter was arrested during coverage of the fallout from this murder.

In that time, rioting started. 

In that time, Donald Trump tweeted 32 times.

Most of those tweets were directed at Twitter’s CEO, who was going to begin fact checking him.

The 33rd tweet was 3 days later, criticizing the “weak Radical Left Mayor” of the burning city.

Please pay attention.

If my child was killed by a cop, I hope to god you would help me burn down that precinct. I hope to god you realize that it was someone else’s child this time, but it could be yours next if you don’t act.

I watched a cop shoot pepper spray paintballs at reporters on live tv. 

I saw the president retweeting calls to violence against democrats.

I watched a man jogging get shot by two white men in a pickup.

Those men went free for months.

I see a country where black death only matters if it goes viral.

I see all this, during a global pandemic that has everyone living in fear.

I feel guilty.

I feel guilty for bringing a child into this hellscape.

Guilty for not knowing how to help.

Guilty for not being louder.

I’m lucky that I’m white. 

I’m lucky I don’t have to be scared when red and blue lights flash behind my Kia Soul as I’m speeding down the highway.

I’ve never once feared that a traffic stop would lead to my death.

That’s privilege.

And that’s why you hashtagging “all lives matter” is bullshit.

“Blue lives matter” is bullshit.

Kaepernick didn’t disrespect the flag, he called attention to this problem and lost his career and had the Vice President negate his peaceful protest with dramatic flair by walking out of a game.

He wasn’t disrespectful. 

But maybe disrespect is something we need more of. 

Maybe no one listens until the Target Super Store is burning and profits are dropping. 

Maybe the cops that kill these people need to start being held accountable. 

Maybe they need to die.

I want to help affect change but don’t know how. I want to burn down this world in the hope that, from the ashes, something better can emerge for my own child.

Burn the precinct. 

Burn them all. 

The peaceful revolution was ignored and it’s past time for violence. And when the dust settles and we look out over whatever is left, I want to tell my kid I was vocal and took action against the racists and the pieces of shit emboldened by this president. I want her to question a system that routinely abuses a badge to exert force over those in socioeconomic struggle and wonder how we let it go so long. 

I don’t want things to continue as they have been, because if they do, she’ll ask different questions.

She’ll ask why I didn’t do more.

I don’t condemn riots. I condemn murderers. You should too.