WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Show, Don’t Tell in an Opening Page

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through August 1.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the beginning sound too adult?

2. Is there enough of a hook in the scene?

3. Is this beginning being shown or told?

4. How would you describe the narrative distance?

5. Based on its beginning, and the information in the included note, do you think it would be an appropriate story for 7th and 8th graders?

Market/Genre: Young Adult

On to the diagnosis…
Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com