This Week: Lies
Telling the Truth is ok. I think we should tell the Truth. But sometimes it hurts. I'm not going to tell someone : "Oh, I hate your dress." It's not going to add anything in the Universe and it's going to make this person very unhappy.
So, in which condition can we lie? I'm counting on your answers.
Thank you,
Paulo
DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
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message 1:
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Hakima
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Oct 20, 2009 01:54PM
you are absolutely right,I actually say the good thing I see on the other person,as I prepare him or her to be comfortable with me,I prepare a good environment for both of us,warm and peaceful,in the other hand,people need to hear good things,they heard a lot of critics in their childhood,in school,in the street,enough,when you lift up somebody s spirit it reflects on you,on the environment around you and on every movement that comes up later on
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I consider lying poor representation of oneself. You've been given your own mind, your own thoughts, your own ideas, your own opinions, so speaking the honest truth is just another outlet of expressing who you are. To each their own. And also, When it comes to lying, I really don't appreciate being lied to. I want the honesty that I put out into the universe reciprocated, good or bad. I've always been a strong believer in what goes around comes around, so do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
é mesmo o senhor que escreve isto?que bom!bem, nao me apetece escrever em ingles por isso...bem, mentir e errado.isso todos sabemos, as maes especialmente, ja devem estar fartas de repetir isso aos filhos...mas enfim, quando uma pessoa mente, das duas uma:ou é cobarde e mal-intencionada ou imensamente estupida(esta nao e bem a palavra que eu procuro...).quando uma pessoa mente(por cobardia), por exemplo quando diz mal de alguem nas costas,e porque tem medo de que a pessoa sobre quem esta a falar oiça e, ou a enfrente, ou se for um "amigo", que lhe vire as costas.esta é a razao mais normal.quando uma pessoa nao sabe o que dizer e mente, é normalmente pela segunda razão
é claro que tambem existem as mentiras piedosas...mas ainda assim prefiro a verdade.se me acontecer uma situaçao como a acima descrita, digo a verdade, mas tambem elogio alguma outra coisa
I have to say, I'm not a fan of lying. I've been trying to make a conscious effort not to lie to others, and especially not to myself. (With the exception of a sarcastic joke.) The truth is a very precious thing. I try to honor people by giving them my truth. True, sometimes the truth can hurt or be too much for them. In the example of a dress I might not like, instead of a "white lie," I try to find what I do like about it. I once heard a story about a master who had his students look at a dead raccoon. I don't remember the exact wording, but here's my best recollection: He asked them what they saw. His students could only comment on how horrible the dead raccoon looked. The master said, "But look at how white and perfect his teeth are. Aren't they beautiful? You have to find the beauty in all things." Something like that. I think the truth can be applied in the same way. There is always a way to tell a person the truth without hurting them... then again, sometimes they need to hear the truth even if it's going to hurt. Even when my feelings are hurt by the truth, I often look back and thank them for being honest with me. It was brave of them, and in most cases it came from people who truly cared about me.
I think we often lie unconsciously too. Take for example answering "How are you doing?" We quickly respond with preprogramed answers like: "I'm fine, and you?" We lie to ourselves about many things from our feelings about: our jobs, our personal relationships, our likes, and our dislikes too. I think if you can truly be honest with yourself, then you can see your true self. Once you have come to this insight, then it would be dishonorable to lie to anybody else.
It's so easy to lie. One has to be brave to tell the truth. For the truth is the truth is the truth... and the truth shall set you free!
I would do it diplomatically! If the person is one of my siblings or best friends, I would say it in a way that does not hurt their feelings. I would suggest wearing something with different colors instead, for instance.
I actually had to write an extensive paper in college on when, if ever, it is ok to lie. Here is my opinion-First, there is a difference between giving a truthful, accurate, and complete response when asked, versus providing your opinion unsolicited. I don't believe in being rude or unfriendly with the excuse of just being "honest". That's a lie and manipulation and everyone knows your just being a jerk.
Assuming that she asked your opinion of her dress and is more than a casual acquaintance, your honest response IS adding something to the universe regardless of whether she likes what you say: TRUST. If you consistently represent yourself accurately, she can depend on your words (and hopefully your actions). She might not like that you do not like her dress but in reality, there are far more important things to be upset about in the world than clothing. A true friend would respect and appreciate your honesty, and not let your response bother them- after all they asked for it!
I do think that there is a time when it is ok to lie: strangers or acquaintances who ask you about your personal business. This happens to me more often than one would think and I imagine my age has a lot to do with it. As a girl in her 20s, I think that people assume that I couldn't possibly have complicated or personal information I wouldn't want to share with the masses. I imagine (and am hoping) that this happens less and less as people age and realize that like them self, people have things that would rather not share in casual conversation. Why not just politely decline to comment or tell what truth you are comfortable with? This can easily be an admission of guilt in itself-- which is the main reason that I am ok with lying in this situation. Flat out- its none of their business and I will lie to keep it that way.
So other than this one extreme situation and assuming that you're asked, I'd say honesty is the best policy.
I believe in telling the truth, especially if the topic is greatly important either to you or to the person with whom you are speaking. Sometimes the truth, even though painful, can cause a "rightness" in the universe that might be expressed in the form of resulting growth, transformation, or change. In addition, this "rightness" might not be otherwise expressed, or might not be expressed as expediently if not for the truth. So, it is wise to keep the delicate balance of universal "rightness" in mind when determining whether or not to tell any sort of lie. The good that comes from any situation comes from the ultimate truths of that situation. If that outweighs the untruths, then the outcome will be that the lie was not extremely detrimental because it did not interfere with the overall good and positive result. It is a judgement call as to whether or not to lie---although sometimes it may be an unconscious disorder or flaw. I believe in some very rare instances a white lie might be a better option than the truth. If a lie is of great magnitude, then other lies must be told as in a snowball effect, which is indicative of a problem. But this is a complex question, because our actions (and inactions) create a chain reaction in the universe. Only the heart of the individual doing the lying or truth telling can make the decision. The decision will be right for them (whether or not it is for anyone else) but it will impact everyone involved in ways that could be either good or bad. I believe that truth is the best path--but not everyone has the soul for it in all given situations. Therefore, we have forgiveness. If the lie is found out and the person to whom you lied cannot forgive you, then maybe you can at least forgive yourself.
I think our own moralistic ideals set our bases for lying, if there's such a thing. I think that society has demanded of us, "a certain form of lying" so as to survive. The notion to believe and accept something in exchange of something "greater". The "idea of peace".I think we lie because we are afraid - afraid of the truth, of what we don't know.. afraid of faith, to trust. It is fear that often prevents us to do something, OR, often makes us do something for the wrong reasons.
I am not perfect nor will I say I never lied in my entire life but I would rather, live truly and be honest, than live in a lie.
I still pray I'd be able to do so completely.
It's true "Honesty is not always the best policy" I actually debated on this topic once and vouched for white lies and won.
The essential thing to remember is that lies are forbidden because they usually hurt someone (I rationalize). So if a lie is told just 'not' to hurt someone it has to be okay.
When we were growing up some one older and wiser said to us at some point of time, "you lie and you go straight to hell."
Imagine this being exaggerated over the centuries. The emotion behind this rule has been lost, misunderstood, twisted or whatever.
So if one lies and says "I am breaking up with you because you are too good for me" is that so bad?
I remember a story/ fable I read about a holy man who was teaching his disciples the art of being 'holy' and he asked them to follow some simple rules out of which one was to never touch a woman.
So two of his followers are sent off on a testing mission. A lady is drowning and asks for help. One of them leaves saying his master says he is not supposed to touch a woman. The other one uses his common sense and helps her.
So who is the true disciple?
Not to lie is a good rule but I use the common sense approach always.
The essential thing to remember is that lies are forbidden because they usually hurt someone (I rationalize). So if a lie is told just 'not' to hurt someone it has to be okay.
When we were growing up some one older and wiser said to us at some point of time, "you lie and you go straight to hell."
Imagine this being exaggerated over the centuries. The emotion behind this rule has been lost, misunderstood, twisted or whatever.
So if one lies and says "I am breaking up with you because you are too good for me" is that so bad?
I remember a story/ fable I read about a holy man who was teaching his disciples the art of being 'holy' and he asked them to follow some simple rules out of which one was to never touch a woman.
So two of his followers are sent off on a testing mission. A lady is drowning and asks for help. One of them leaves saying his master says he is not supposed to touch a woman. The other one uses his common sense and helps her.
So who is the true disciple?
Not to lie is a good rule but I use the common sense approach always.
