One dialogue tag too many?
If there's one thing I'm good at, it's dialogue. Maybe because in real life I'm a chatterbox.
But when it comes to writing, dialogue can keep a story going. On the flip side, lots of dialogue tags could turn off readers but without them, it can be confusing as to who is talking. So where's the happy medium? Can you have one dialogue tag too many?
Short answer: Yes.
Dialogue tags are terms to describe the speaker, so words like: 'he said, she said, they replied, the men responded, etc. Using these can help readers keep track of who is talking, but too many can be disruptive and ruin a story's flow.
Example: In a scene from my upcoming book, the MC Harold is talking with two women over a body. How many dialogue tags can you spot?
In moments, Sarah began talking. “Well boy, you’ve landed yourself in a mess all right. You know what they’re saying.”
“What?” I asked.
“That he was mad as can be.” She said.
“A proper cock.” Eleanor said.
We both looked at her.
“Mad as a popinjay.” She said, “Why else would have those marks on him? The boy must have been casting spells to the devil, and this mud is proof of it.”
“It’s just mud.” I said.
“You said it yourself, it’s not like any mud you’ve seen before. That’s cause it’s different.” She said.
“Witch mud.” Eleanor echoed.
I use 'said' a lot in that conversation, but does it really help move the story along? Can I understand who is talking without all the tags? Here's the same passage but with some amends:
Sarah began, “Well boy, you’ve landed yourself in a mess all right. You know what they’re saying.”
“What?” I asked.
“That he was mad as can be.”
“A proper cock.” Eleanor added.
We looked at her.
“Mad as a popinjay. Why else would have those marks on him? The boy must have been casting spells to the devil, and this mud is proof of it.”
“It’s just mud.” I told her.
“You said it yourself, it’s not like any mud you’ve seen before. That’s cause it’s different.” Sarah pointed out.
“Witch mud.” Eleanor echoed.
There's still a few tags, but with three speakers it's a little trickier to keep track of who is talking when. If you can remove words like 'said' and show the person is talking without saying they are, it can help!
Cheers
ELJ
But when it comes to writing, dialogue can keep a story going. On the flip side, lots of dialogue tags could turn off readers but without them, it can be confusing as to who is talking. So where's the happy medium? Can you have one dialogue tag too many?
Short answer: Yes.
Dialogue tags are terms to describe the speaker, so words like: 'he said, she said, they replied, the men responded, etc. Using these can help readers keep track of who is talking, but too many can be disruptive and ruin a story's flow.
Example: In a scene from my upcoming book, the MC Harold is talking with two women over a body. How many dialogue tags can you spot?
In moments, Sarah began talking. “Well boy, you’ve landed yourself in a mess all right. You know what they’re saying.”
“What?” I asked.
“That he was mad as can be.” She said.
“A proper cock.” Eleanor said.
We both looked at her.
“Mad as a popinjay.” She said, “Why else would have those marks on him? The boy must have been casting spells to the devil, and this mud is proof of it.”
“It’s just mud.” I said.
“You said it yourself, it’s not like any mud you’ve seen before. That’s cause it’s different.” She said.
“Witch mud.” Eleanor echoed.
I use 'said' a lot in that conversation, but does it really help move the story along? Can I understand who is talking without all the tags? Here's the same passage but with some amends:
Sarah began, “Well boy, you’ve landed yourself in a mess all right. You know what they’re saying.”
“What?” I asked.
“That he was mad as can be.”
“A proper cock.” Eleanor added.
We looked at her.
“Mad as a popinjay. Why else would have those marks on him? The boy must have been casting spells to the devil, and this mud is proof of it.”
“It’s just mud.” I told her.
“You said it yourself, it’s not like any mud you’ve seen before. That’s cause it’s different.” Sarah pointed out.
“Witch mud.” Eleanor echoed.
There's still a few tags, but with three speakers it's a little trickier to keep track of who is talking when. If you can remove words like 'said' and show the person is talking without saying they are, it can help!
Cheers
ELJ
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