Onyx King - An Intimate Conversation

I sat down with the hero of Coffee in the Noon and we talked about love, life and success over tea. I have to say, he embodies the very essence of a strong, black man who shows way more than he ever tells.

34, Army Vet, Freelance Architect

Photo Cred: I do not own the rights to any of the photos above, they are used for inspiration purposes only.
All rights at credited to unsplash.com and @_estafan.

The Basics What is your full name? Onyx King Do you have a nickname (if so, who calls you this)? Onyx Xavier King. Only nicknames I have are from my annoying ass little cousin. He calls me Your Highness, Xay, or O depending in what he wants from me. Where and when were you born? Toledo, Ohio.  Do you have any siblings? If you do, what are/were they like? One. We're estranged. Haven't talked to her in years. Crazy, you ask because yesterday marks 6 yrs since we had our big blow up. Really, it’s water under the bridge to me, but she’s super emotional and can hold the hell out of a grudge so I just keep my distance. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place (home and location) and the person/people you live with. Right here in Solace Point. Literally, about 10 minutes up the road from where we are now. I live alone on paper, but my annoying little cousin practically lives there too. I settled here after my last tour in Iraq. I decided I’d given this not so great country enough yrs of my life. So, I moved into a quaint little house with a wraparound porch and lots of road to run. How do you make your money? While in the army, I studied architecture and history. I've freelanced for the last  two years  just drawing up blueprints. I decided it was time to settle into a life, so I moved out west, and started a firm with my baby cousin. We're just starting out, but we’re making it. Solace Point is an old town trying to modernize, so I am confident that we’ll grow as the town grows. How would you describe your childhood? Decent. I had a mom, a dad, a pet. Several pets actually. Clean clothes. Food. But that's about it. My parents worked a lot. Don't even remember seeing them much when I was a child. I was in school when they were off work and by the time I got home from whatever sport I was playing, either a game or practice, they were already clocking into their shifts. I don’t regret my mom for it, but my pops, he’s like whatever. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? The army. I served 16 yrs. What did you want to be when you grew up? A cop. Don’t know why because I hated the cops where I grew up. The south was no place to encounter a cop if you were a black man. What is the most evil thing you have ever done so far? Killed a man. Several men, actually. Not entirely proud of that, but I am happy I saved not just my brothers and sisters in arms, but also the innocent, defenseless people we saved. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? There are actually two things I wish I could change. The first is not forgiving my dad before he died. He was a good man with a checkered past and I never afforded him the chance to try to clear up any of the black spots. Really, that’s my bad, but I’ve worked through my petty process, as my sister calls it. I avoided him, ignored him and ran clear across the world the first chance I got, at 18. Then I blinked, and he was gone. Now, I miss his presence, how it was before the infidelity, before he broke my mom's spirit and had our whole family looking stupid back home in North Carolina. Second thing I wish I could change is giving 16yrs of my life to the army. I met some amazing men and women. Many who have become my extended family, but I feel like we give so much of ourselves and we get shit in return. So, yea, I wish I would have just stuck to my original plan and did architect straight out the gate.

The Nitty Gritty What is your greatest fear? Never having anyone to do life with. I come from a big family and my cousin and I are the last men, so it’s on us to keep our family lineage going. I’m 34, and haven’t met anyone I want to call my helpmate or mother my children. Which other person knows about this fear of yours? Damien. We both have the same fear, but we handle it differently. Damien tested the waters, gives every woman a try. I tend to study people, sometimes too damn much. I know I overthink, and he doesn’t think enough.

Photo Cred. @_estafan

Who do you not want to know about this fear of yours, why? I don't really care who knows I have it. I actually prefer people know it so they aren't ever surprised by my choice not to want to waste my time on relationships that won’t go anywhere.  What are your religious views? God is real. I talk to him daily but I also meditate and wear a black tourmaline ring, so yea. My mama calls me crazy, my grandmama tells me to stop playing in God’s. face. But, I believe all of it works together. God created the moon, the sun, these precious stones, and he not wasting no time doing nothing just for the hell of it. So, I’m using what God gave me to maintain and remain spiritually grounded. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? True love is real, soul mates too, but I think that we often miss them both because they don’t look, think or act how we fashion in our mind they should. What do you measure success in? Peace and quiet. As a child, I grew up in the south and people automatically think the south is this quiet little planet where no crime happens and there’s no violence. But the country honestly, can be just as hood, just as loud, just as unsettling as any major city. Where I grew up, crime was rampant, and all I ever wanted when I was little was peace and quiet. Now, nothing wakes me unless I want it to. When I am home, I don’t hear a sound, unless it comes from within my home. That’s success to me. Success affords you the opportunity to have absolute peace and quiet. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings in the company of others? I’m always honest. As a child, I was too honest, and had no filter. I said whatever, whenever and my mother often times had to tell me that I needed to put a muzzle on. After going to the army, I realize time is too precious, too short to be holding in our truths. Let it out, let people know how you. feel about whatever situation or whatever. When you in the field, you can’t have shit on your mind but surviving so, I let every and anybody know because nobody else will be the reason that I get caught slipping because whatever they done did is weighing on my mental. How close are you to your family? Super close to my mom. My baby cousin who came to Solace Point before me, we’re tight. He’s like the little brother I didn’t ask for, but I love him like I birthed him. We are only 5 years apart, but them 5 years feel like a lifetime because he is well, i wouldn’t say immature, but he is youthful to a fault sometimes. Impulsive, a bit naive and, but smart as fuck when it comes to numbers and creative and innovative. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yup. Honestly, I believe in a bunch a shit. Many people think I’m a pessimist because of my background, but that’s the farthest from the truth. It’s because of that experience that I am open to almost anything. You see so much unbelievable shit when you’re in combat that nothing is considered impossible. Love at first sight is real. Fucking on the first night and still valuing each other is real. People based way too much shit on time that time honestly, can’t measure. Love, life, success, failure, they can’t be measured in time, but in moments; fleeting moments that last until they are over. There’s no clock, watch or sundial that can measure when we’re supposed to fall in love, become successful, get married, pop out our descendants, die. Just like my grandma always saying we don’t know the day or the hour that God will return for his children, we don’t know the day nor the hour that we’ll meet our life partner, meet the little humans who will represent our hearts outside our chests, I know I rambled, but i had to clear up that misconception. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? My cousin. I talk about him a lot, so I should k=just tell you his name, right. Damien, Damien is who I trust to protect my interest, protect my peace. Not my quiet, though because he is the loudest man on earth in my opinion. But I trust him with my life. When I was in the 11th grade, I almost died in a house fire at our grandparent’s house and he saved my life. He was almost two feet short than me and definitely about 50lbs lighter, but he got me out after I hit my head on the step trying to get out and was knocked unconscious. He is my righthand, always will be. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? I ain't finna argue with a soul. That's time, energy and breath I can't get back. Do you care what others think of you? Why or why not? Nah. I am my own man. No one’s thoughts can define me or determine how I view myself. All I can ever be is true to me.

Photo Cred. @_estafan

The Randoms What is your most treasured possession? My grandmother gave me my great-great-grandfather’s dog tags. He fought in World War II. I never met him because he died two days before I was born. But my whole family always talked about how great of a man he was. You know how we all have that one person who inspires us even though we never met them, never held one conversation with them. Like Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X. Well, he was my hero. She gave me the tags when I was 7, I wore them every day since, until I got my own. Now his hang in a shadow box in house. Do you like to read? If so, what do you like to read? I loved to read. Memoirs and autobiographies. My favorite was book was Black Boy by Richard Wright. Now, I listen to audiobook more because I can listen while I work. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? I’ve always been on a schedule. Growing up, my parents ran a tight ship. Our days were always planned down to the second. When I went to the army, you know I was on and even tighter schedule. So, now, I only plan when it comes to business. My off days., are mine to do whatever I feel like it. If that’s booking a red eye to go see my Mama' on the other side of the country, then I do it. If it’s starting a new building project on the land I bought then I do that too.When I moved to Solace Point. I got bored one day and built a pergola in the garden that was there when I moved in. I don’t want to live another day of my life according to anyone’s plan, not even my own. How do you deal with stress? Run, or swim. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Three words that others would use to describe me. Let’s see, my sister would call me stubborn, or stuck in my ways. My mama and Damien would call me loyal and my grandmama would say I’m spirited. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your life? To raise my family in a house I built with my own two hands, just like every man in my family has done before me. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In five years, I’ll be retired for good. I don’t want to work pass 40. I' feel like being in the service, I tripled, nah, I quadrupled my work years. I want to enjoy the rest oof my life. So, the next five years, I’ll be working, building companies for others and a secure future for myself. I plan to retire th on my 40th birthday. If you could choose, how would you want to die? I’d prefer not to die. I’d much rather He just come take me from this place before he unleashes the wrath, but if I die before that, I want it to be just like I used to say in my prayers as a youngin’, before I wake and I pray He’ll take my soul. What do you have in your pockets? My bank card, phone and key fob. What is on your nightstand? A pic of me, my dad and my mother while she was pregnant with my baby sister. And three raw crystals my sister sent me when I first moved to Solace Point; black tourmaline, red jasper and amethyst. She’s mad at me and I haven’t heard her voice in years, but still makes it her business to protect my spirit no matter what. I love her for that. What is in your refrigerator? Vanilla Silk Milk. Eggs, Steak, chicken, a bunch of fruits and veggies. If you are cleaning among your things, what is easy for you to throw out? Everything. I love simple and lots of open space.

He was the Folgers in her cup. She was his dew in the morning. Together they found refuge in one another's gaze. The rest was love.