Unfair

I can remember as a kid just SOBBING, heartbroken, because I felt that something unfair had been done to me.  It's a childish complaint that the monsters shout at each other (and me) all the time.  That's so UNFAIR!!

And even though I've got a few years on me ::cough:: sometimes unfairness – and my childish demands – crop back up.  Especially at my weigh in today.

I've been sooooo good.  On program, tracking all food, no slips, no late-night binges on Lays, no coconut pie, no homemade bread…  I've exercised more this month than I probably did all last year.  I've earned 75 activity points this month – insane for me!  And yet I only lost .2 today – after having an unearned gain of 2.6 pounds all week!

For the entire month (the past 4 weeks, not just January), I've only lost 2.5 pounds.

While rationally I know a). any loss is to be cheered and b). an average loss of .5 pounds per week is a healthy rate…  I'm not satisifed.  I want results, dammit, and I want them now!  ::stomps foot::  If I work out that hard…I *deserve* a loss.  It's so unfair.

::rolls eyes at how childish that sounds::

Yet it's the truth.  And I've always said the truth here.

This feeling of unfairness isn't limited to just weight loss either.  We can feel it's unfair that someone at work got promoted and we didn't, even though we work harder or have more seniority.  Someone got a break and we didn't, whatever that break was.  We do everything right…and sometimes it just doesn't happen when we expect it to happen.

What do you do then?  How do you reframe your expectations?  How do you handle the disappointment and sense of entitlement?  Maturity helps, of course — I would expect to handle disappointment better myself than Middle Monster because she didn't get that iPad for Christmas she wanted, for example.  But even maturity begins to wear thin week after week, month after month, when you're working so hard, doing everything right, and don't get what you want, when you want it.

So I thought I'd try on my too-small jeans, on the barest hope that maybe I'd lost inches even if the scale wasn't cooperating, but that was only another disappointment.  They still don't fit.

However, I have to listen to how I feel, really feel.  I did Walk It Out today because my normal workout schedule was messed up, and I felt GREAT.  I walked and jogged for 45 minutes, sweat my tush off, and ended up walking just under 3 miles.

My foot felt great even walking that far and long.

My schedule was messed up because I took the day off from the Evil Day Job and got my hair done, and Apryl did a TERRIFIC job.  It looks great and I felt really good about how I looked.  She also commented on how much thinner I look (she only sees me once a month).

My watch is sagging so much on my wrist that I need to go in and have a link taken out.

My "skinny" jeans (ironically, the same size and brand as the ones that stubbornly won't fit, although they're a slightly different style) are sagging around the waist again.

And I started to feel better.  Am I still disappointed?  Sure.  But I know I'm doing what's right.  Sometimes that has to be enough reward.  Oh, and I bought myself some new workout shorts – yes SHORTS – I haven't owned shorts in like fifteen years!!! - and a sports bra.

I figured a little retail therapy couldn't hurt.