The Adventures of Tate & Noah: Episode 1
“Hey! Noah! Wake up!” Whispered the precocious two-year-old, while leaning over his sleeping parents. There was no response from the young baby, except for the short, rapid movements of the pacifier in his mouth. The two-year-old nudge closer, ever so slowly to make sure he didn’t startle the big ones, and then smacked the pacifier out of his little brother’s mouth. He then quickly used his other hand to muffle the crying.
“Shhh,” he said. The baby looked confused but quickly settled back down. The two-year-old removed his hand, and said, “Listen, we’re going to get out of here for a little while. Come on.”
“But I don’t want to get out of here. I’m hungry. I was just going to start crying so I could have breakfast.”
The older brother looked mildly disgusted, “You can have a bottle anytime. Hurry up, let’s go!”
“What if they wake up? We’ll get in trouble.”
“Wake up!?” The two-year-old rolled on top of his parents jiggling with laughter. “Why do you think I strategically wake them up throughout the night? We can take naps whenever we want. They can’t. When they’re asleep the only thing that can wake them up is one of us, which is why you’re coming with me.”
The baby rolled onto his side and stretched as far as he could; it took a few lunges from there, but eventually, he was able to grab his pacifier. He put it in his mouth and started to think about a way out of this mess. His brother seemed pretty insistent that he come. What if I promise to just lay here while he’s gone, he thought. No, he’d never go for it. He’d probably just accuse me of being a narc. “Okay, fine, I’ll go.”
The two-year-old pumped his fist in the air. “See, it’s things like that, that make me think you could actually be my brother.”
“Where are we going, anyway?”
“I’ve been wanting to get some new toys recently,” all of a sudden one of the big one’s body jolted up and started coughing. The two-year-old, waited, silently burrowed between two blankets, without moving a muscle. Once it seemed like maybe they had gone back to sleep, he started poking them in the face. First gently, and then progressively harder until he knew they were safe, “That was a close one; I thought our day of fun was spoiled before it even started. Anyways,” he carried on like nothing had happened, “I saw this commercial for some new toy cars, and I got to be honest, it’s a little embarrassing to admit, but the advertising people got me, hook, line, and sinker. I got to have it. And I’m sure we can find something that you can slobber on too.”
The baby looked indignant over that last comment, “I’m not a dog.”
“You’re right; I’m sorry. But in my defense, you’re drooling right now.”
The baby looked down and saw a line of drool going from his chin to the pillow. I’m sure he drooled more than I did when he was my age. Big, stupid, dog-faced idiot.
“What are you laughing about?”
“Oh, nothing,” he said with a sneaky grin. He quickly changed the subject, “Won’t they notice if there are new toys that they didn’t buy?”
“Have you seen how many toy boxes I have? Besides, they’ll probably just assume the other one bought it.”
“If you already have so many toys, then why…”
The two-year-old grabbed the pacifier and threw it off the edge of the bed. “Don’t start with me, Noah. Do you want to be cool? Do you want to go on this fun adventure to get more toys? Or would you rather stay here and be lame?” The baby started desperately reaching for his pacifier. “You’re too old to just lay around all day having one of the big ones carry you from place to place, shoving bottles and toys in your face. Show some goddamn initiative once in a while.” The baby looked like he was about to start crying before the two-year-old pointed a finger at him and scowled. “Shhh, don’t wake them up.”
Sensing that he needed a new approach the two-year-old decided to turn on the charm, “Look, I know what you’re probably thinking. We can’t leave without our parents, it’s a scary world out there. You can’t even eat solid foods yet, and trust me I know how difficult that can be; I’ve been there. But we’re brothers, and that’s a bond that will last a lifetime. A lifetime that can begin now, if you get out of this bed, put on some socks and shoes, and walk to the toy store with me — why are you raising your hand?”
“I can’t walk. How am I supposed to get to the toy store?”
The two-year-old was finally stumped. “Hmm, that does seem to be a bit of predicament.” He rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger while trying to come up with a suitable solution, “Can you crawl?”
“Nope.”
“Skip?”
“Can you skip?”
“Pfff, of course, I can…no, no I can’t; I actually don’t think people learn skipping until they’re well into their forties, maybe even their fifties.” He thought some more then threw out another option, “What about rolling? I could lay you on your side and just kind of roll you there. What about that?”
“Do I look like a tire to you?”
Suddenly a light bulb went off, “Eureka!”
“Aretha?”
“You’re embarrassing yourself. Seriously, read a book with me and the big ones sometime,” he shook his head. “I mean I have the answer. I’ll put you in that old red wagon that the big one uses for gardening.”
There’s no way I’m getting out of this, he thought. I’ll just go. On the bright side, maybe if he gets some new toys, he’ll stop stealing mine. “Alright, I’m in. Let’s go with the wagon; I enjoy bath time anyways; they’re relaxing.”
“Oh, bad take bro. Bathtime is horrible. Below average toys. High probability of getting soap in the eyes. The whole thing’s a mess. But whatever, we can argue about that later. It’s toy time!!”
The two-year-old not so nimbly fell to the floor, making a slight thud that caused the two hibernating parents to shift in the bed. He then reached up and grabbed the baby, pulling him towards the edge until his foot was left dangling. He stopped, looked to his left, and right, then began scanning the floor. First, he picked up a small pillow, examined it for a moment, and moved on. Next, was a gray woven blanket laying on top of a pile of clothes. He held it next to the pillow, looking back and forth, trying to decide which suited his needs best. Finally, it had been decided. Both.
He ran back over to the side of the bed, placed the pillow on the floor, and then yanked on his brother’s foot. The young baby fell like a rock before bouncing comfortably onto the floor. “See kid, I got it all figured out. Now, hop on this blanket, and let’s get out of here. We’re wasting daylight.” Once in place, the two-year-old bolted through the open doorway, with the baby holding on for dear life behind him.
When they got to the front door, the two-year-old began dressing himself and his baby brother. First, mismatched socks for both of them, then a green coat for himself, and a panda suit for the baby. “Here put on this hat.”
“I don’t think I need a hat. The panda has a hood, remember?”
“That’s funny,” said the two-year-old, while holding a knitted cap in front of his brother’s face. “I didn’t realize I was asking you if you wanted to wear the hat. It’s cold outside. You’re a baby. Put on the hat.” The baby complied, even though he thought he looked ridiculous. “You look great. Now, wait here, I’ll be right back with the wagon.”
Without looking, the two-year-old stuck his hand into the closet and grabbed a coat hanger. He then reached all the way up on his tippy-toes; just tall enough to use the hanger to unlock the door. He quickly disappeared, returning a few minutes later with the red wagon. “I tipped it over first and brushed out some of the dirt. So, don’t be such a baby and get in.”
They were finally free. It was an early Sunday morning, so aside from the occasional passing bird, they were mostly alone. The red wagon squeaked and rattled its way down the street, with the big brother out in front. If their intentions were unknown, or simply less nefarious, the image would have captured the honest affection between brothers. The big one charged forward, determined to reach his desired location, while never failing to occasionally sneak a peek to make sure his cargo was still intact. And the small one looked up admiringly, watching the other’s every move; to the rest of the world he may have been a little kid, but if you could see through the baby’s eyes, that little kid looked like a superhero.
”Do you have money?”
“What?” The two-year-old responded without breaking stride or looking back.
“Money. Don’t we need money to get toys? I mean you’re not suggesting that we should be stealing them are you?”
“Haven’t you ever read Karl Marx? It’s like all about the abolishing of private property, man. The toys don’t belong to any one person, they belong to all of us.”
“Then why do you get so angry when I play with your toys. I mean if they don’t belong to any one person, then why…”
“Don’t start with me, Noah” he snapped.
There was a long awkward silence between the two brothers until the baby cut the tension by asking, “How do you know so much about Karlos Marx?”
“It’s Karl dumb, dumb. The hairy one has a bunch of books from when he was in college. A bit naive the whole communist thing, but they make some solid points…stop putting stuff in your mouth.” He smacked a dirty rock out of the baby’s hands, “How many times do I have to tell you!?” As he turned back around to continue toward the toy store, the baby began to whimper, “Look don’t cry. I’ll get you something nice and clean, and you can chew on that all you want. If you put dirty rocks in your mouth, you’re going to get sick. And then I’ll probably get sick. And the big ones will get sick. Is that what you want? Don’t be so selfi…we’re here!”
The little boy began jumping up and down and chanting, “Toys! Toys! Toys! Toys!” He was so focused on the glory of the grand toy store that he didn’t realize that they were on a slight decline and the red wagon was slowly rolling backwards towards the street. The baby, sensing he was in grave danger, started to wail; the two-year-old immediately snapped out of his toy trance and lunged for the handle.
“Woah. That was a close one,” he said as they looked at each other with pale white faces, sharing a thought that they really dodged one there. “You almost ruined it, baby. You should probably be paying closer attention to what is happening around you.” He then lovingly tussled his hair. “Let’s go.”
They were the first customers in the store and were able to maneuver around mostly unseen and unnoticed. It didn’t take them long to find what they were looking for. The display stretched up as high as they could see and had giant banners spread above their heads, some with cars flying off jumps through flaming hoops, others with powerful trucks crashing through piles of rubble and dirt. The two young children looked up in awe of what was before them.
“This, Noah, is what it’s all about. A tower of toy cars, waiting for us to play with them. Waiting to fulfill their destiny of flying through the air and hitting one of the big ones in the head. It is their reason for being, bringing us enjoyment while causing them entertaining irritations.” The whole time he was talking, the baby was focused on one specific car. It was shiny gold and sparkled in the dull light from above. He reached for it…a bit further…still a bit further…he made one final move and lunged forward with all of his strength until his view turned from one car to a blur of all them running away from the darkness that smacked him in the face.
The loud thud was followed by the baby gasping for air between sobs. He’d be lying if he said the thought of grabbing one of the cars and leaving the baby there to make a dash for the door never crossed his mind. But as he debated what to do, he looked down at his little brother, crying and scared. He realized that all of this was likely his fault. When sat down next to the crying baby it finally dawned on him what it meant to be a big brother. The big ones can’t follow them around forever, and when they aren’t there, it’s on him. He’s the one who has to shelter his little brother from whatever fear and pain is out there. The world can be as unforgiving and as hard as this ground, and at times he will fall, but when things get the hardest, that’s when they have to stick together.
He heard the patter of feet running towards them. It was a big person — not one of his big ones like he hoped — wearing a dark green apron; they asked “Are you both okay?” The little boy said nothing, just looked up at the concerned giant, “Where are your parents?” He looked confused and shrugged his shoulders. Soon, there was a group of giants standing around them, he was starting to feel scared, and tears welled up in his eyes, but again he looked down at his little brother and knew that he couldn’t.
He looked around for anything that could help them and noticed one of the giants looked familiar. He had been coming to this toy store for over two years now and had definitely seen the big ones talking to that one. He started waving at them until he was noticed and then said, “Thank you.”
She smashed her hands together and said, “I know them!”
The baby looked at his brother and quietly asked, “Eureka?” The two-year-old proudly nodded.
“They used to come here all of the time. Jim, you remember them, right? The dad is always talking about his blog and the mom was a school teacher.”
“Oh yeah. They live just down the road in that blue house.”
All the giants huddled together. The boys sat in the red wagon, the baby on the two-year-old’s lap. The older boy started to quietly sing their favorite song, “And did you think that fool could never win? Well look at me, I’m coming back again. I got a taste of love in a simple way, and if you need to know while I’m still standing, you just fade away.” One of the giants turned and ran towards the door. The other giant, the one the little boy recognized grabbed one of the cars off the shelf and tried to hand it to them; they were busy though. The two-year-old was right in the middle of his piano solo, “Don’t you know, I’m still standing better than I ever did. Lookin’ like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.” The baby was now smiling and gyrating to the music in their ears.
Before they could finish the song for a third time, the parents came bursting through the door and rushed over to them. The dad grabbed the two-year-old, while the mom coddled the baby. They both apologized to everyone, multiple times, and kept asking the kids, what happened? How did you get here? The two boys stuck together though and gave up nothing.
The parents put their kids back into the red wagon and walked out the door, apologizing profusely again to anyone who came in their path. As they exited the parking lot and turned onto the sidewalk, the two-year-old gave the baby a fist bump, “Did you just see that? Tate just gave Noah a fist bump. How cute is that?”
“What!? No way!? One more time kiddo, please,” the dad pleaded as he took out his iPhone, “Come on, one more time. Yes, now hit him with the explosion…he did it! Fucking incredible!”
“Hey! You said you weren’t going to say that in front of the kids anymore!” The dad winced as he realized he let yet another one slip. “What are you going to do if he says that in front of your grandmother? How are you going to explain that, huh?!”
And just like that, it was as if nothing had happened. Tate looked at his little brother and winked, “See, I told you we wouldn’t get in trouble.”
