B-Movie Breakdown: Piranha 3D
This is a tough movie to review. I suppose whether or not it's a good B-movie depends greatly on what exactly you want out of your cheesetastic entertainment. If the answer is, "BOOBS!" then this movie is for you.
Feasibility Factor: An underwater earthquake opens up a rift which allows a massive swarm of bloodthirsty piranha to take over a lake. Granted, prehistoric piranha rising from the depths is pretty far-fetched. However, beyond that, there's not really enough of a plot to be infeasible. In this category, the lower the score, the better. I give Piranha 3D a three.
Hilarity Quotient: I give it a four. While there are a couple of funny scenes, a lot of the hilarity is ruined by other things (usually boobs and/or the extreme overuse of 3D technology).
Re-Watchability: Honestly, if there were a made for TV version, I'd probably give it a high re-watchability rating, but this version? Probably not.
Other Randomness:
Star factor: If this movie has a saving grace, it's the actors: Elizabeth Shue is damn good in it! There's also Christopher Lloyd (playing the same mumbling, befuddled guy he plays in every movie), Richard Dreyfuss (in a cameo), Ving Rhames, and Jerry O'Connell.
Eye Candy: If you like boys, there's almost none at all. Steven R. McQueen is cute if you like baby-faced kids, but other than him, a disembodied penis being regurgitated by killer fish is all we get. I thought this was the era of equal-opportunity gratuitousness, so it's rather disappointing. If you like girls, however, there's boobs. Boobs, boobs, and more boobs. All of them silicone. Most of them nude. Some of them being shaken 3D-style right in your face. Lots and lots and lots of boobs. The made for TV version will be at least twenty minutes shorter, just due to lack of boob.
Gore: Some of the fun of a good B-movie is the gore, and this movie definitely delivers in that category. The "Everybody panic!" scene at the end is B-movie gold. It was fun and perfectly over-the-top. The problem is, so many of the shots were obviously contrived just to allow for some 3D silliness, which I find annoying. Also, BOOBS. God forbid an actress die without showing us her boobs first.
Extra Credit: Not too much for the title, but I do give it extra credit for the last two seconds of the film. Best laugh I had all movie.
Bottom Line: Top grade a B-movie can get is a B+. I give this movie a D-. Personally, I'd rather see a lot more humor and a lot less boob.
