Lessons In Hope

This week has been crazy. I have been dealing with an issue regarding my new car. That took up most of my week, which took away from a few things I needed to get done. The bright side is I have been writing more, which is a good thing. Not only have I been writing more but the quality of the writing is better overall. I still have a long way to go for book six but the steady improvement is making me hopeful. This week also brought one of my daughters to visit for my now twelve year old daughter’s birthday. We have been celebrating all weekend and by the time we are done I am going to need a day of rest and recover. For the most part, this blog post is going to be short. I am going to go enjoy The Wolf Experience with my kids. My twenty year old and I have been having fun the last few days as well.

I have had a few conversations this week with different people about hope. Truthfully, I have been given pep talks and I am not sure how I feel about the pep talks. I think I need to go back to a couple weeks ago. I was feeling antsy as you all know. One night I couldn’t take being in the house any longer so I jumped in my car and drove around. I felt like I needed to be somewhere but couldn’t figure out where. I drove for an hour and still couldn’t figure out where I was supposed to be. In some ways, it was frustrating because I knew life was trying to tell me something but I couldn’t figure out what. On the other hand, by the time I came home I felt a little better. Once I got home, I jumped on the computer and started working. As I sat working I felt I needed to check on a friend. I can’t go into a lot of details at this point but I discovered something that confused me and gave me hope.

Now I need to explain something about me. I am a plan for the worst case scenario kind of girl. When I checked on this friend I felt hope, which I quickly dismissed. I reminded myself that it doesn’t change the situation. I went back to work and tried to forget what I had learned. For the last two weeks, I have felt like the universe has been talking to me. I have been feeling like something is coming, not in a bad way but definitely as if things are about to change in my life once more. With that has come pep talks from a few friends, all of them about hope and believing in what I think is the impossible. Even my playlist seems to be speaking to me. It doesn’t matter how many times I shuffle the list, the songs that play seem to point in a specific direction. For me music is like breathing, I need it in my life everyday and as often as possible. So the fact that my music has been saying the same things my friends are saying, makes it difficult for me to fight my building hope. I dare say I am changing enough that I am starting to believe there is hope. That feeling scares the crap out of me.

Here is what I am learning in all of this. The first is a lesson I actually learned a year ago, you should always want to keep growing and changing. If you don’t, you become complacent with life and that is never good. The other lesson I am learning is when the universe is talking to you, shut up and listen. Now maybe I’m crazy. That is completely possible. Hell, I have been called that by more than one individual over the years. There have been too many signs pointing in a specific direction for me to ignore, no matter how much I want to try to ignore them.

I don’t know if this situation will pan out. I hope with all my heart that it does but only time will tell. I promise if things work out in my favor I will share all of the grueling details with you. You guys have earned it. Until next time!