Those were the days…

Back in those days…

Did you have that period in your life when you were on your own and you didn’t have a plan? While it might not be the norm, the norm being college—job—marriage—stability—get your adventure where you can find it, it must be fairly common. Those Days where you were still figuring out where you were going with your life, and not necessarily in a hurry to find out. I have a lot of fond memories from that period—and a lot of regrets…and some shame. I’ll bet that’s a common summation.

I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had I bypassed those unshackled years? It seems likely I would have accomplished more, helped more—been a better citizen of the planet. But I got something from those years that I desperately needed. While I regret many actions, I don’t regret living through them. What did I get?

That’s when I developed a sense of self. You have to take responsibility for your life. You can’t fall back on family or background or status or any externals. My parents did a good job of teaching us that—I’m not sure how they did it. Even in and out of relationships, I knew I was still learning who I was. Of course, I knew nothing about love back then.

It’s not a cliché—experience is a wonderful teacher. If you have a Those Days period in your life, I bet it was adventurous. (I hitchhiked 50,000 miles in two years—I was having a contest with a fellow adventurer.) One of my favorite Bob Dylan lines: “When you ain’t got nothing’, you got nothin’ to lose.” Without strong attachments, we are more prone to experiment, to venture out, to take chances. That can go either way, but you learn from both directions.

When talking about Those Days, one of my own favorite lines is: “I learned ten times more doing two years on the road than I did during one year of college.” It was like a crash course in people. If you’re not pursuing your life goals, you’re probably pursuing fun or spiritual growth, and both of those involve people. And the road gave me diversity—you encounter all manner of walks of life. I learned that whatever I ended up doing in my life, it needed to involve interacting with people. It takes all kinds to make up a world—I don’t know if there’s a better way to learn that than on the randomness of the road. And then I got to go work in a mental hospital—it was like moving into the honors class.

When reminiscing, it’s hard to avoid the question of sin. If you go by commandments and laws, certainly I sinned more in that period. If you go by choosing what you want instead of what God wants, I did that long after I defected. Alas, I am still fighting that battle. Self-indulgence is a side effect of Those Days—but it’s not the lesson you learn.

I don’t want to glamorize Those Days either. If not for them, I would not have hurt a number of people who deserved better from me. Those Days might have taken a few years off my dad’s life. I would probably not have had to wait until I was 65 to retire. There are consequences for your actions.

Tiptoeing through these memories, I come around full circle. I’m the product of every single one of my experiences. No regrets or puffing up—just grateful that the hand of God has been upon me.

This is a poem I wrote about Those Days:

Hitchhike

I left the university

to pursue my education

on the interstate.

I learned to wait

and be alone.

I began to understand the nature of man.

The gay guy in the Cadillac put his hand on my knee.

The drunk endangered my life.

The southern man barreled down the shoulder until I jumped.

The police chased me off the road.

And I never got a ride with a pretty girl.

But I remember the stars in the desert,

and the whoosh of the semis that staggered me on,

and the mystical messages etched on the signposts.

I could go anywhere

willing to wait.

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