Episode 10: The Essence of being Human and why it’s difficult to have every life matter
I was reading about the tragic death of George Floyd and the protests that have engulfed America and parts of the world. I took time to wonder about the human psyche and what it means to have human lives matter. Is it even possible?
Every human takes pride in being different. We each are different, from our physical appearance to our personality, even up to our fingerprints. When we are all uniquely different, why are some people singled out and have their differences pointed out to them loud and clear? Is it human to do so or are some people just warped?
I am reminded of my days in school. We weren’t subjected to serious bullying, but we were picked on for something that made us different. What was different in me? Nothing very astounding. Nevertheless I was picked on for three things.
One; my hair. I had short hair for the first twenty-one years of my life. It was my parents’ choice, not mine. I didn’t have a problem with it till it was pointed out to me. I was asked if I was a boy or a girl, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. It gave people a thrill to ask me that. Every time I had to get a haircut I ensured that it happened on a Friday or a Saturday. I needed a Sunday to prepare myself for the barrage of words that I will have to hear on Monday. I learned to laugh it off, not that it made me any less self conscious.
Two: I was teased for my body size. I am broad shouldered and stockily built, inherited from my dad’s side. Even a little food went a long way in making me look bigger than the other smaller built girls or boys around me. There was nothing much I could do about it. I was born that way. Nevertheless I tried hard. I exercised regularly and played various sports. But my stocky legs did not lengthen, my breasts and bum did not flatten, my arms did not thin down with all the badminton and the swimming. Even with all my hard work I was called fat. I wanted to diet but my parents wouldn’t allow it. According to them no girl in her early teens should diet. They were right. I turned slightly anorexic in my late teens and shed loads of fat, though unbelievably I still wasn’t the slimmest girl in class. It took me years to accept my body the way it was, but the vestiges of the old taunts still remain somewhere in the subconscious.
The third thing I was made fun of was my name. Sharon is a Hebrew name. Most people are unsure of how it is pronounced because its pronunciation is different from the way it is spelled. In Indian languages, the words are pronounced phonetically. And I realised that my name’s pronunciation cannot be written in any Indian language (as far as I know) and hence the difficulty among people to get it right. Ninety per cent of the time my name is first misheard as Shalini. I had got so used to it that I always mentally prepared myself to repeat my name thrice. In school, the children found uniquely creative ways to pronounce my name. I wouldn’t go into the details but I am sure you get the gist. I couldn’t change my name and I wouldn’t either because it’s my identity and I love it.
My story is not unique. In my class, a boy who was too short, a girl who was too tall, a boy who stuttered, a girl who was too slow in the way she thought, a boy who was very dark, a girl who had bouts of fits, likewise, were all made fun of.
In colleges and in some very prestigious institutions, bullying/ragging is considered as a rite of passage and a means of bonding. Nobody controls the fine line where it stops being fun and crosses the boundary into something dangerous. Most times it leads to mental illnesses and even death. But it is doubtful if ragging can ever be eliminated entirely.
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This is still a narrow group to talk about. If we extend the geography to include India then it’ll be easier to understand. India is the first and probably the only country with such overwhelming diversity. Our differences stretch across terrain, culture, religion, language, skin colour, food, etc; so much so that sometimes it’s difficult to explain what actually decides our Indianness.
What we also have is our intricate caste system. Since the Indian civilization is one of the oldest in the world, it is safe to say that our caste system is older than most nations in the world. It is also safe to say that our caste system finds its roots in racism. Racism in itself is an evolutionary or human response to safeguard what is your own, from what is strange.
It is natural to assume that the early humankind looked at another breed of humans who were different from them in language and culture and skin colour and features and built etc, with a reasonable amount of suspicion. Even if they co-existed as good neighbourhood tribes they wouldn’t willingly give their sons and daughters to each other in marriage. But the beauty of humans is in their ability to look at differences with caution and also with allurement. Because of this there has been an intermingling of cultures over millennia. Now with travel and globalisation I don’t even have to walk a hundred metres for a change in culture and language. I can just pop into my next door neighbour’s house and I’ve said ‘hello’ to a different caste, religion, culture, language, etc, from mine.
What does it mean for us now? Is it much different from the millennia of human evolution? My neighbours and I are on good terms, but will that stop our minds from judging each other? No. Humans are wired to judge anything and everything on this planet; it’s all a part of evolution. The problems arise when the judgement that should start and end in the mind, travels to the lips, or provides itself with action by moving to our limbs. That’s when the term racism takes birth.
Now when you meet someone with some difference that you find amusing, or threatening, or repulsive, you can’t help the thought that has crossed your mind involuntarily. It’s all still ok up till here. But now you want to give words to your thought or cause your body to react negatively to that thought; then it’s time to pause, think and introspect. Why does that difference in that person bother you? Is it something that you have been taught since childhood? Is it peer pressure? Has it been imprinted in your mind by a religious group/cult/organisation? Is it a response to a stereotype?
I’m sure if Hitler had been asked these questions he would’ve given his answers, which would be supported by many, before continuing on his path towards the extermination of Jews and other weak-abled Germans to keep to his idea of a pure bred, Aryan, Deutschland. It’s an impossible thought, impossible to achieve because of the number of deaths that is involved. You see, there is a certain charm about death. Death can range from being ordinary and unmarked to being able to start riots and wars and in some rare cases, a religion. Death has the power to evoke deep, unimagined emotion.
I’ll give you a non-human example. No person living on this planet currently has seen a Dodo bird alive. But everyone has heard of it, seen its pictures and imagined how it could have been. It is a simple flightless bird, made extinct by humans, but this bird has imprinted itself into the minds of humans enough to have the word in our vocabulary. Same goes with Dinosaurs. George Floyd is still human, how much more will his name stay in the human psyche?
Coming back to the Indian caste system, that is older than nations, still continuing through millennia, that has witnessed innumerable deaths and protests. Are there laws against discriminating people on their caste? Yes. Are there still deaths? Yes. Will they continue? Yes. Will protests happen? Yes.
We are fighting against ages of reinforced thinking. It’s not going to be easy, almost impossible. But if you as an individual keep the discrimination only in the mind then the battle is as good as won. It is a conditioning that will require strenuous effort. If we keep to it then we can ensure that every life will matter.
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After twenty-one years I let my hair grow out. Now it touches my hips. I met my school and college friends in great excitement. They take a good look at me and say that I looked better in short hair. I just smile, thinking to myself that it is impossible to please everyone. So it doesn’t matter if you are short or tall, fat or thin, vegan or meatarian, theist or atheist, of any skin colour or having different shades of colour on your skin. All that matters is to be happy being you.
Your life matters.
