So, about a week ago I think I said something about potentially being done my fic in “about a week”....

So, about a week ago I think I said something about potentially being done my fic in “about a week”. I’m an idiot. 

I’ve been working from home since Saturday, March 14th. In my city, it was still solidly winter then. I plunged into a research project that took me deep into the heart of a failed uprising that’s resulted in death and destruction on a scale that’s horrifying, and it was a weird parallel to be living in while also experiencing a traumatic event on a global scale. 

I discovered how much I like working from home, though. All alone, making my own coffee, going for long solo walks, doing my own thing. My colleagues have zero appreciation for my work, and that’s mostly fine. My superiors also have zero appreciation for my work, and that was expected. It’s mostly fine. I discovered how little I wanted to go back to work when it was announced that we would be returning as of yesterday. I treasured my last few days of having time to work on my own stuff and of being in control of my own daily schedule and working at a level far higher than the one I’m paid to work at. 

My province is opening up again and it feels weird. I’m honestly in mourning for the way of life I found during these past three months. I also taught all Monday evening and then had a 2.5-hour zoom meeting for a committee I’m on, on Tuesday evening, and then went back to work yesterday and spent the evening with my bff. 

To add to the weird duality of living in a global pandemic and mentally in the real of a revolution, the George Floyd stuff happened right at the end of it, and echoes it in some very scary respects (like a military being ordered to fire on its own people, for instance). So add that third, major event. One of my hobbies during quarantine became watching and diving deeply into the world of the Bon Appétit test kitchen and its staff, so I was very upset when, on Sunday, all of their racism version of #metoo blew up. And then it happened to my workplace, too, the very next day or so. Today our CEO planned to talk to us about it, yet we were shocked to discover that he only allotted 15 minutes out of his day for the entire discussion. 15 minutes!!!! I’ve always liked him and respected his good intentions, at least, but this felt like a slap in the face. So I’m just in a seriously messed-up headspace, re-evaluating my life, trying to decide whether or not to move when my lease is up, whether or not to maybe look for a different job, and yeah. In other words, I haven’t written a word since about Sunday. I’m really sorry. I know I don’t have to apologize, but I AM sorry that it’s not done yet. The fic also took a turn which I knew was coming, but is taking longer to get through than I had anticipated, so it may end up being longer in general than I had thought. I don’t know, but I’m sorry it’s not done yet. That’s what I came here to say. 

I hope you folk are doing well and that your lives are in slightly less chaos. But then again, how can they possibly be? The world is imploding, or so it feels. Be well. Stay safe. I promise I’ll have some ficcage at some point hopefully sooner rather than later. 

Hugs,

SA

PS: Feel free to respond in the replies, but please don’t reblog this. It’s a bit personal. (Thanks!!)