Which “I” am I?

When we call ourselves “I,” which “I” do
we mean?

There’s the first”I”—our ego, our conscious self, our reasoning intellect. That’s the “I” that writes a grocery list, identifies itself to the census, raises a family, subscribes to the daily paper.

Nicolas Cage as Charlie Kaufman in “Adaptation” confronting the Fifth “I”

But if we go to yoga class or sit down to meditate, we come immediately upon a second “I.” This “I” watches us as we enter Downward Dog or endeavor to calm the mindless chatter inside our skulls. This “I” is a witness. It’s somewhere “behind” or “above” the first “I.”

 There’s a third “I” that can witness us witnesses ourselves.

Not to mention a fourth “I” that stands in for us in our dreams.

Which one are we?

There’s a fifth “I” as well. That’s the one that writes our books, paints our paintings, starts our start-ups.

The fifth “I” operates independently of the first four.

That’s the “I” I’m interested in.

People ask me sometimes, “Don’t you get lonely, just being in a room by yourself all day?”

No.

I’m not lonely because I’m with this other “me,” who is me and not-me at the same time and whom I have spent my entire life trying to find, to prove myself worthy of, and to labor in collaboration with.