The Wisdom Of Nostalgia
Or
4 Things My Mother Used To Say Constantly To Me When I Was A Kid That Now Annoyingly Make Sense
Ever catch yourself saying something and think ‘oh boy, I’m turning into my mum/dad’?’ Seriously, even if you don’t have kids. There’s things I find myself saying to the dog (yes, the dog!) and I have to stop myself and think, I can’t believe I just said that. Although, in fairness, that might also be precisely because I am talking to my dog or, more perturbing, the fact that she’s answering me. In disparaging grunts. I guess that’s where the word ‘disgruntled’ come from…
Does anyone else have a dog that’s a cross between a furry toddler and a fuzzy teenager? And are they ever gruntled? Anyway, I’ll leave you to guess which one of these I’ve said to my dog!
“Eat your greens”
Apart from anything, I find now as an adult that I actually love green vegetables. I also know that there’s an actual reason why small children don’t like the taste (or even the sight) of green vegetables. Dang, if only I’d known that when I was five. The Battle Of The Broccoli could have been won before the stuff had even stopped steaming on my plate. But now? Oh, those leafy greens. Those yummy vitamins and minerals. And oh, the annoyance of knowing the mother had a point.
“Look where you’re going!”
For so long I wondered ‘what does that even mean?!’ And then the great light of ‘duhh’ shone on me and I realised it means. exactly. what. it. says. How did it take me so long to reach enlightenment? I think watching pedestrians’ obsession with their mobile phones cleared that one up nicely. As the third/fourth/fifth person slammed into a lamppost while checking their phones, a lightbulb went on over my head. Actually, it was probably the lamppost, come to think of it. Either walk and focus, or stop and look. They are not interchangeable pairings.
“Don’t make that face. If the wind blows, you’ll stay that way.”
Okay, I’ve got nothing. Nothing. I have absolutely no idea why this one was (and continues to be) so popular. But for some reason, I’ll always associate this phrase with broad beans…
“You look with your eyes, not with your hands!”
The biological ramifications of this one blew my mind as a kid. Or bio-illogical… unless… was it just possible that there was a strange kind of mutant out there that could actually see with their hands? What would they look like? Were they magical beings with eyes in their hands?
Was it some kind of telepathic divination?
Nah.
The mother just wanted me to stop throwing baked beans and chocolate into the shopping trolley while she wasn’t looking. Or touching e.v.e.y.t.h.i.n.g. on the shelves after she’d taken me out of the child seat in the trolley because I was single-handedly (I was using both hands, though) doubling their grocery bill.
And this is the one I kept hearing in my head more recently. Social distancing became the new normal. Gloves and masks became mandatory. Hand-washing became obligatory. Going into a shop meant only buying things I had bought previously because I couldn’t pick them up to read the labels. I couldn’t take the chance with my own health, and I certainly wouldn’t take the chance with anyone else’s. And that’s when it hit me. You look with your eyes, not with your hands.
“Oh! That’s what that means!”, quickly followed by “Oh. Dang!”
But I’m still hopeful about the telepathy mutant thing…
