I promise not to kill you. Who's the next new star?

I am delighted to have my short story series 'Crime Tyne Shots' published by Trestle Press, who currently have 4 in the top 5 Hot New Releases (Short Story) on Amazon Kindle and 11 in the top 33 (Short Story), so I'm in good company.
Now it's time to have some fun. Who wants to star in one of my future short stories? I promise not to kill you, honest. All you need to do is give me your best reasons for having a starring role. You can enter by posting your answers on Twitter at @Tynewriter or on here. The winner will get a free copy of the published story, but also they will be able to dine out on their success for years to come.
All you need to do is give me your answers by the end of February, so you've got plenty of time.
In the meantime, check out the Trestle Press authors. There are some great stories out. You know you want to.....