Day 8: Rest from the Past
I’m talking about waking up heavy from what happened yesterday. The timeline can also stretch farther back – to the decisions we made months, years, and even decades ago, but wish we hadn’t. Let’s up the ante – how about decisions we made, wish we hadn’t, but are still dealing with the consequences of in very real ways today?
The past is hard to let go, and the more we ruminate over what has happened, the more we tie our identity to it. The past becomes part of who I am.
An example – I changed my mind a lot growing up, and I wasn’t always great at going about changing my mind because I was growing up. So, I’d start something one day and stop it the next, which sometimes meant I was unreliable. I’d be friends with some people for one year and then friends with different people the next year, which sometimes meant I hurt people’s feelings. This habitual behavior became a running joke – Beth can’t stick with anything. Beth is a quitter – that I internalized and would bring out at low moments to bang myself over the head with.
Super helpful, right?
It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that a friend confronted my restless story. There I was, trying again to write my first book but wrestling with the fact that I’d messed up writing it the first time and quit. I felt like I had something to prove while simultaneously helpless to prove it because …
“I’m a quitter,” I told her.
“No, you’re not,” she said.
I disagreed and brought up reasons for I was right. She countered with reasons for why I was wrong. The main difference between our reasons was the timeline. All of my supporting examples were 5+ years old. Her examples fell within the last 5. She pointed that out, too (bossy, beautiful friend)!
I saw how skewed my perception was, so skewed it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I mean, if you sit down with a hope to write in the morning, but you start that morning’s internal story with, “Let’s see if you do better than the last time, Quitter,” you’re not going to get very far.
This is not the story we have in Jesus.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
And what was the soul rest Jesus offered in exchange for my wearisome quitter story? Look at 1 John 1:9.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
There was a lot I needed to apologize for in my quitting, but then I needed to “be forgiven” and let them go. In not letting them go, I grafted to my past and became “a quitter” instead of “a girl who has sometimes quit.” Do you see the difference? The first has a chronic quality to it, whereas the second is an action. I don’t need to identify with it, and I certainly don’t need to carry it around. My 18-year-old self wouldn’t want that for my current self, and my today self wouldn’t want that for my tomorrow self.
Most women don’t have a problem admitting when they do something wrong; they have a problem moving on from it. The restless stories brew in the after. We confess, as 1 John 1:9 tells us, and then we … ruminate. We hold tight.
The verses tell us to do the opposite. We are to let go so we can receive. First, confess, then … receive forgiveness and purification and rest for our souls. We don’t need to rewind on repeat because what has occurred will be restored and man does that restoration give us something to think about! To turn over and over and over until the truth spurs us to speak, act, and rejoice like every other person Jesus healed.
Take John 4 and the story of the woman at the well, who finds in Jesus what her soul really thirsts for. She receives his living water and moves from being an ashamed woman, hovering on the outskirts of town, to a bold one, proclaiming in the center of it.
Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did.
Take Mark 5 and the story of the woman who bled for 12 years before finding complete healing in Jesus. She touches his cloak and moves from an anonymous crawl to standing.
Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.
Take us.
It is finished. It is good.
This is the story of your yesterday. Have you let go of what Jesus has forgiven? Have you received the rest he offers in exchange for your burdens?
I’m praying it’s a yes for you today. I’ve shared some of my favorite stories that help me put the past to rest. What is your go-to when you’re tempted to re-hash? Share in the comments!
We’re talking rest right now on the blog – what it is, why we need it, and how we get it. If you just jumped in, go to Post 1 to catch up. Sign up for the blogs to go straight to your Inbox so you don’t miss any!
