The Fiver | Bland news, please! Is that too much to ask?

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With giggling incompetents in Downing Street and a real length of tube in the White House, The Fiver has got to the point where it no longer hopes and prays to hear of good news, merely to be informed of stuff that isn’t catastrophically bad and monumentally depressing. Bland news, please! Is that too much to ask? Thankfully some has just arrived with the welcome announcement that Southampton boss Conan O’Br … hold on, will you … that Southampton boss Ralph Hasenhüttl has signed a new four-year contract with the club, and will be staying put until 2024. It’s all we’ve got today, and it’s more than good enough. Ah, delicious vanilla pabulum.

Related: Hasenhüttl given new contract after turning Southampton around

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