Struggles of life
I am finally beginning to find my groove for book six. The last couple months have been difficult and it has made writing almost impossible. I have spent weeks and weeks trying to find my groove. Normally, when I start a book it takes me a week or two to find the rhythm. I have just spent weeks editing multiple books and to create it takes a different mind set. With this book I have struggled to find that rhythm. Between the divorce, battling my demons, and being on lock down for weeks on end, it has felt like I am lost. I have had days where the words have flown out of me but more times than not I have struggled, only writing two or three pages a day. I try to tell myself those two or three pages are progress. The problem is the voice that likes to yell at me says it’s not good enough (personal demon). I have high standards for myself and I am a firm believer in doing all that I can to meet those standards. Unfortunately for me, I have failed to meet them. It results in me bitching at myself, which leads to me not wanting to do anything on the computer. I allow myself to become easily distracted by other things because of my frustration with myself. It is a vicious cycle.
This week has been different. I have actually written more than two or three pages, most days this week. I still have had a couple days with only a few pages completed but I have had more days where I have written multiple pages. As I am writing this, I am starting to calculate how many pages I have completed this week. I usually keep a running tally every week to ensure I am meeting my goals. This week, if I am counting right, I have written somewhere around fifteen to twenty pages, I’m not quite sure how many pages I have written because I have not been keeping track of them. The fact that I have hit double digits this week is exciting. It makes me hopeful that I have found my rhythm. Part of me worries that it’s a fluke, and next week I will go back to writing only a couple pages a day. What do I do? What if my personal life forever ruins my writing groove? Is that possible?
This is one of those times where I am not sure I am the person to answer any of those questions but I’m going to do my best to answer them. So let's start with what to do about the issue at hand. The only way I know how to handle writer's block is to push through it. You keep writing. You keep forcing yourself to put words on the page until you get to the other side of the writer’s block. It is the most difficult thing imaginable but it is not impossible to do. What I am experiencing is like writer’s block because I am facing a multitude of hurdles in my way. I know what the book is about, I know all the subplots but I am just unsure of how to connect them. I am unsure how to get to the end of the book, which is already written. In some ways I feel like I am in a dark tunnel with no light to guide me through. I just keep writing and trying to plan as much as possible. Hopefully I can pull it all together.
The other part of this is, I have redeveloped some bad habits I broke over a year ago. Those bad habits are staying focused on writing instead of doing other things. My writing time needs to be about me writing and not me playing online or jumping on Facebook or anything other than writing. When I get frustrated with the writing, it is easy for me to open another window and go play online. I can window shop on Amazon, I can search for information on a new car, I can go read my horoscope. Anything to distract me from the writing I am not accomplishing at the moment. It means I don’t have to face that I am struggling until I finally cry uncle for the day. I have to work on not doing any of that. I have to work on staying focused and dedicating my time to this. Otherwise, I have done all of this for nothing. Eventually those distractions will take over and no writing will be accomplished. I now have to make a conscious effort to break that habit once more. It was easy to fall back into that old habit because it helped me ignore some of the difficulties I have been having. Now I can no longer allow myself to do that. I need to dedicate my writing time to my writing and not other things.
Here’s the thing: the only way to find my groove is to face the facts of why I have been struggling. Some of the reasons I have had a difficult time is because life for most of us is hard. We are faced with new challenges that none of us have foreseen. Some of the obstacles are ones I created because of decisions I have made in the past. I don’t regret my decisions because it was what I needed to do for me to ensure I get to be happy in this lifetime. There are going to be times where life gets in the way, I must learn how to not let it shut down all my creativity. It is a lesson I am in the process of learning. I am not sure how I am doing with this particular lesson but I am trying, so hopefully that counts for something. At this point in my life, I feel like I am being tested on so many fronts, that I am not sure if I can pass all these tests. Maybe the real test is one of endurance. I don’t know.
If you are feeling out of sorts, stop and do nothing for a moment. If you are struggling to find that rhythm you have always had, look at what is happening around you. Look at your own behavior. See what you can do to change what has been going wrong. Look for positive solutions. Stay strong. Until next time!
This week has been different. I have actually written more than two or three pages, most days this week. I still have had a couple days with only a few pages completed but I have had more days where I have written multiple pages. As I am writing this, I am starting to calculate how many pages I have completed this week. I usually keep a running tally every week to ensure I am meeting my goals. This week, if I am counting right, I have written somewhere around fifteen to twenty pages, I’m not quite sure how many pages I have written because I have not been keeping track of them. The fact that I have hit double digits this week is exciting. It makes me hopeful that I have found my rhythm. Part of me worries that it’s a fluke, and next week I will go back to writing only a couple pages a day. What do I do? What if my personal life forever ruins my writing groove? Is that possible?
This is one of those times where I am not sure I am the person to answer any of those questions but I’m going to do my best to answer them. So let's start with what to do about the issue at hand. The only way I know how to handle writer's block is to push through it. You keep writing. You keep forcing yourself to put words on the page until you get to the other side of the writer’s block. It is the most difficult thing imaginable but it is not impossible to do. What I am experiencing is like writer’s block because I am facing a multitude of hurdles in my way. I know what the book is about, I know all the subplots but I am just unsure of how to connect them. I am unsure how to get to the end of the book, which is already written. In some ways I feel like I am in a dark tunnel with no light to guide me through. I just keep writing and trying to plan as much as possible. Hopefully I can pull it all together.
The other part of this is, I have redeveloped some bad habits I broke over a year ago. Those bad habits are staying focused on writing instead of doing other things. My writing time needs to be about me writing and not me playing online or jumping on Facebook or anything other than writing. When I get frustrated with the writing, it is easy for me to open another window and go play online. I can window shop on Amazon, I can search for information on a new car, I can go read my horoscope. Anything to distract me from the writing I am not accomplishing at the moment. It means I don’t have to face that I am struggling until I finally cry uncle for the day. I have to work on not doing any of that. I have to work on staying focused and dedicating my time to this. Otherwise, I have done all of this for nothing. Eventually those distractions will take over and no writing will be accomplished. I now have to make a conscious effort to break that habit once more. It was easy to fall back into that old habit because it helped me ignore some of the difficulties I have been having. Now I can no longer allow myself to do that. I need to dedicate my writing time to my writing and not other things.
Here’s the thing: the only way to find my groove is to face the facts of why I have been struggling. Some of the reasons I have had a difficult time is because life for most of us is hard. We are faced with new challenges that none of us have foreseen. Some of the obstacles are ones I created because of decisions I have made in the past. I don’t regret my decisions because it was what I needed to do for me to ensure I get to be happy in this lifetime. There are going to be times where life gets in the way, I must learn how to not let it shut down all my creativity. It is a lesson I am in the process of learning. I am not sure how I am doing with this particular lesson but I am trying, so hopefully that counts for something. At this point in my life, I feel like I am being tested on so many fronts, that I am not sure if I can pass all these tests. Maybe the real test is one of endurance. I don’t know.
If you are feeling out of sorts, stop and do nothing for a moment. If you are struggling to find that rhythm you have always had, look at what is happening around you. Look at your own behavior. See what you can do to change what has been going wrong. Look for positive solutions. Stay strong. Until next time!
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