Day 5: I Need a Rest from … [Part 2]

What do you really need a break from?

I’m looking back at the brainstorm from Day 3 and can see the solutions to some of my answers are simple. Take mud. I really do need a break from mud – on my boots, on my dogs, and in the van. The solution is simple. The Oxford Rain Forest needs to rest and let the dirt dry out so I can clean (or at least consider cleaning).

For this one, there is no mud under the mud for me. Mud doesn’t beget an anxiety that wakes me up at 2AM. I just need the mud to quit. It’s that simple.

Other solutions are more complicated because my answers are complicated and (to make this sentence more complicated) I don’t even know they’re complicated until I try a solution and it fails.

Take schoolwork on every surface of the house.

I thought I’d solved this one last week. School finished the week before, and we put everything away. Surfaces, cleared! Halfway through the week, the cleared surfaces were making me uneasy, in particular the spot at the kitchen table where Tommy had been doing his schoolwork.

Why?

Because I liked that we had something to work on every day

Why?

Because it felt like we were making progress

Why?

Because he was writing and reading a lot of words, and I feel like we need to keep doing that

Why?

Because he has a huge language deficit, and I feel like it’s up to me to fix it

Why?

Because I’m his mom, and if I can’t fix this for him, then what’s the point?

Oh. Those cleared surfaces weren’t so simple. They were a beginning, and beyond them, I saw a “ceaseless round of striving” (from Keller sermon, Day 4). Because what’s going on with Tommy can be solved with one more sight word, right? I saw the “eternal murmur of self-reproach” over my inadequacy as Tommy’s mom.

… if I can’t fix this for him, then what’s the point?

Which brings us to a warning. Sometimes asking “why” on repeat can bring us to a crying place. Maybe it’s your repeat crying place. It’s okay. You can cry there. When you’re ready, there’s a resting place for your tears, which we’ll talk about tomorrow.

Today is for asking, “Why?”

It might take some time. It definitely takes a dose of bravery because you need to be honest to go there and receive the answer you find. Good thing you are all brave people!

Would you also be so brave as to share what you “really” need a break from in the comments below?

I’ll get us started.

Mommy guilt. Heightened sense of healing powers.

We’re talking rest right now on the blog – what it is, why we need it, and how we get it. If you just jumped in, go to Post 1 to catch up. Sign up for the blogs to go straight to your Inbox so you don’t miss any!