From "A Meditation on (Barely) Walking"

Recently, I tried those compression walking shorts that supposedly help your muscles stay relaxed and energized. I felt and looked like a bratwurst sausage.

There was a physics problem of trying to place too much of me into too little of the shorts. I couldn't solve it and was only able to remove the garment with the aid of WD-40. At least the fire department didn't have to cut me out of them.

Again.

(Excerpted from the forthcoming book Floozy Goes Forth, copyright 2020. All rights reserved.)