Rerun from He Wrote She Wrote: Bob Drives to Boston, April 5, 2006:

Because Robena requested this:

BOOK TOUR 2006 SIX

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

SHE WROTE:

Help.

I am trapped on the highway in a rental car with an insane person. No internet last night because my apartment was in the basement, none this AM because we had to go see Meg again and then pick up the rental car, at which point my rational partner, Bob, went insane. I’m now safe in a Panera on Rt. 90, but sooner or later I’m gonna have to get back in that car, and I’m telling you, it’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Bob.

This is a guy who patiently holds doors for little old ladies, but put him behind the wheel of a car in Manhattan with a green light and an elderly woman with one foot SLIGHTLY off the curb, and he’s snarling, “DON’T TRY IT, LADY!” It’s like the buried Bronx broke out. “So I think our next move,” he says, in a completely sane voice, “is GET OUT MY WAY, I’M DRIVIN’ HERE, MORON! to concentrate on doing more serious blogs.” It’s like the Bronx him has been unleashed. “We need to WHAT D’YA THINK, YA JERK, YA OWN THIS ROAD? give back more to Cherry Bombs. Which one of them LADY, YOU WANT TO GO THAT SLOW, GET IN THE RIGHT LANE, GODDAMMIT thought of that, anyway? We should thank her. You got the map?”

I’m a nervous wreck.

And don’t get him started on Elizabeth Bishop, who’s been DEAD since 1979, but some guy in the NYT says that she changed the course of American culture, and Bob cannot get past that. “HOW did she change the course American culture? I’ve never even HEARD of her, she’s a poet, for Christ’s sake–MOVE OR LOSE IT, YOU DUMBASS–just tell me HOW she changed the course of–”

“Let it go, Bob.”

“I’m over it. But, jeez, the ENTIRE course of American–BUDDY, YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH ME HERE?–culture? I don’t get it.”

Okay, actually, I’m not a nervous wreck, I’ve been laughing my ass off since we left the Village. Mr. Bob, the Badass.

We may make it to Boston, but if we don’t, it’s because Bob took on an eighteen-wheeler and we lost. On the other hand, I’m learning a whole new set of people skills.

HEY, MORON, I’M BLOGGING HERE, GET THE F OUT OF MY WAY.

See you in Boston.

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