Google's Newest Product: God

Google has come out with a lot of ritzy gadgets. There's Google Voice, Chat, TV, you name it. Google is an invaluable tool to me because it answers all my questions. It's a warm and faithful servant that never lets you down.

That's why I think Google's next big breakthrough should probably be Google God. Think about it. Google answers all your most personal questions on demand, no matter what time it is. Does God do that?

But answering questions isn't enough to qualify you as a diety, no sir. Omniscience is good, but it isn't good enough. Here are some other qualifications that could make Google God work:

Google speaks every language
Google embraces all people, holidays, and hobbies, as evidenced by its regularly changing logo
Google can cross reference all philosophical literature through Google Books
Our Google is an awesome Google
Google's autofill knows you better than you know yourself
With cell phones, Google God can be with you wherever you go

If Google made Google God, then you could simply filter your life quandaries into an easy to understand, instantly gratifying deity engine customized just for you. Input a few facts about yourself, and you can have peace and clarity pronto. When are you most likely to die? Ask Google God. Afraid of something? Google God will tell you how to deal with it. Need an uplifting scriptire? Google God is there for you. Worried that the jambalaya you accidentally left out all night may no longer be safe to eat? Google God has your back.

I have to stop writing now because I think I'm too close to something too big. I'm hoping that God is giggling along with me. He's probably already thought of the whole idea anyway.

Then again, I'm pretty sure Google has, too.