Lockdown with a Dragon
Diary of Dorothea
Copyright Kim Vermaak 2020
700AD Day 1 - Morning Lockdown with a Dragon The horror of the day lurks in my mind. When my children are not watching I feel a wave of fear rise inside me. The deafening shriek of that fearsome beast ripped me from my sleep. Adrenaline surged through me and a kind of terror covered me as I watched the flames erupt from the beast’s mouth. Nicolous had raced ahead to see what the danger was and ordered me to stay with the children. But the fear of not knowing what was out there had compelled me to follow him. Then I saw her. Enormous, fierce and unyielding in her anger. As I recall her body now while everyone around me is asleep, I can see the ferocious beauty in her shimmering silver form as the light of the flames danced over her scales. There was grace in her flight as her massive form covered the sky. But I did not perceive that when she first invaded my life. The flames were so intense that I could feel my skin being sucked dry from the ferocity of the fiery scene before me. My parched lips felt wrinkled and blistered as the heat of the air burned through my throat. The glare and chaos were overwhelming. And then came the crash of the falling beam. Nicolous roared in pain as the searing beam crushed his leg and blistered his skin. I clawed at the burning timber, but I could not pull it from him. All around, logs crashed and littered the scorched ground. I called for Mareid. I had to risk the children being left alone without her to comfort them. If I could not lift the scorching beam Nicolous would surely die. I would not watch the father of my children perish in front of me. ” Mereid“, I screamed. “I need you now!” Maired, beautiful child, always came. But in her eyes, the panic was all-consuming. I had to squash my fear and direct her. I forced my mind to calm itself and talk her through what needed to be done. It took all my will, but she obeyed my instructions and heaved at the beam that trapped Nicolous. The clinging sweet smell of the charged flesh made me want to gag. And I felt as if the bile might rise to my throat. I prayed to God for strength. This was not the time to let fear control me. I had to focus to get that beam off. All the while, the creature kept roaring as fresh lashings of flames erupted from her. Then Mikael arrived. Defiant tears forced themselves from my eyes, as my heart squeezed at the sight of my innocent sweet boy. Little Mikael, with his little wooden cart. I saw his lips quiver and his eyes grow wide with fright. An urgency and panic swelled inside me, erupting in a wave of strength. I could not allow my son to watch his father being incinerated in front of him. “Oh, dear God, help us”, I prayed. I do not know how I found the strength. The beam felt unyielding, but together Maireid and I lifted it. I felt feint with the weight of the timber and spots of light danced before me. I could not succumb to a seizure now. Nicolous found the strength to help us, as he pushed the beam away after we had lifted it. His roar was all I heard at that moment when we were trying to protect the boy against the horror of our burning world. This is what it means to be a mother, to put your own fears aside for the ones you love. I can not say I was always this way. My own fears were once larger. I never imagined being a mother, having the strength to put their needs ahead of mine. But I have grown and somehow by quelling my children’s fears I put a blanket over my own hideous thoughts of inadequacy. By God’s grace we got that beam off. While the surrounding chaos continued, our unity cocooned us against it, as if we were witnessing it from afar. I thought that Nadine would probably sleep through it all. She slept through most things, even the birth of her brother. But then the beast circled again, and fresh flames formed a circle around us as the invading fire formation drove together us. Scorched trees fell around us and the villagers bunched together to escape them. Then we saw Nadine. She called to us from the other side of the flames, but I could not have her come. She had to stay safe. ”Nadine!” we screamed.” Stay away.” Suddenly we were falling, as the earth opened under us. I tried to grab for Mikael, but I lost him. At first the earth was yielding as the soil cushioned us. But then I heard the sickening crunch of bones colliding with the ground, as the crowd crushed some of the villagers. The impact with the rock and others falling on them brought death to us. The force of the fall crushed the wind of me. I struggled for air as my eyes wildly sort out Mikael and Mareid. Around me panicked adults crushed the young. But Mareid had found her brother and lifted him from the chaos. Her tear streaked face tore at my heart as I felt her despair. But we had to be strong. I pulled them close as we fought the sea of struggling bodies. Nicolous called for the boy and I lifted him onto his father’s shoulders, as we clung to the edge of the cold stone tunnel walls. Survival meant keeping away from the wave of panicked villages. I had to stop the wail of terror that threatened to erupt from me. A mother must be strong for her children. That strength can feel like both a blessing and curse. It keeps them feeling safe, but to do so I must deny my own emotions. I feel alone in my fear. But I cannot let the children see it. Nicolous, “Thank God for his height,” could see ahead. And we clung to him as we etched our way along the edge to an unknown future. Thoughts and fears collided in my mind, as they do now. But getting to safety was the overriding thought to which I had to cling. Worries of the future cannot help us now. I allow them to rise and then look at my children. Somewhere out there is Nadine.
Subscribe on www.kimvermaak.com and get your free copy of The Dragon Whisperer’s Field Guide.
Copyright Kim Vermaak 2020
700AD Day 1 - Morning Lockdown with a Dragon The horror of the day lurks in my mind. When my children are not watching I feel a wave of fear rise inside me. The deafening shriek of that fearsome beast ripped me from my sleep. Adrenaline surged through me and a kind of terror covered me as I watched the flames erupt from the beast’s mouth. Nicolous had raced ahead to see what the danger was and ordered me to stay with the children. But the fear of not knowing what was out there had compelled me to follow him. Then I saw her. Enormous, fierce and unyielding in her anger. As I recall her body now while everyone around me is asleep, I can see the ferocious beauty in her shimmering silver form as the light of the flames danced over her scales. There was grace in her flight as her massive form covered the sky. But I did not perceive that when she first invaded my life. The flames were so intense that I could feel my skin being sucked dry from the ferocity of the fiery scene before me. My parched lips felt wrinkled and blistered as the heat of the air burned through my throat. The glare and chaos were overwhelming. And then came the crash of the falling beam. Nicolous roared in pain as the searing beam crushed his leg and blistered his skin. I clawed at the burning timber, but I could not pull it from him. All around, logs crashed and littered the scorched ground. I called for Mareid. I had to risk the children being left alone without her to comfort them. If I could not lift the scorching beam Nicolous would surely die. I would not watch the father of my children perish in front of me. ” Mereid“, I screamed. “I need you now!” Maired, beautiful child, always came. But in her eyes, the panic was all-consuming. I had to squash my fear and direct her. I forced my mind to calm itself and talk her through what needed to be done. It took all my will, but she obeyed my instructions and heaved at the beam that trapped Nicolous. The clinging sweet smell of the charged flesh made me want to gag. And I felt as if the bile might rise to my throat. I prayed to God for strength. This was not the time to let fear control me. I had to focus to get that beam off. All the while, the creature kept roaring as fresh lashings of flames erupted from her. Then Mikael arrived. Defiant tears forced themselves from my eyes, as my heart squeezed at the sight of my innocent sweet boy. Little Mikael, with his little wooden cart. I saw his lips quiver and his eyes grow wide with fright. An urgency and panic swelled inside me, erupting in a wave of strength. I could not allow my son to watch his father being incinerated in front of him. “Oh, dear God, help us”, I prayed. I do not know how I found the strength. The beam felt unyielding, but together Maireid and I lifted it. I felt feint with the weight of the timber and spots of light danced before me. I could not succumb to a seizure now. Nicolous found the strength to help us, as he pushed the beam away after we had lifted it. His roar was all I heard at that moment when we were trying to protect the boy against the horror of our burning world. This is what it means to be a mother, to put your own fears aside for the ones you love. I can not say I was always this way. My own fears were once larger. I never imagined being a mother, having the strength to put their needs ahead of mine. But I have grown and somehow by quelling my children’s fears I put a blanket over my own hideous thoughts of inadequacy. By God’s grace we got that beam off. While the surrounding chaos continued, our unity cocooned us against it, as if we were witnessing it from afar. I thought that Nadine would probably sleep through it all. She slept through most things, even the birth of her brother. But then the beast circled again, and fresh flames formed a circle around us as the invading fire formation drove together us. Scorched trees fell around us and the villagers bunched together to escape them. Then we saw Nadine. She called to us from the other side of the flames, but I could not have her come. She had to stay safe. ”Nadine!” we screamed.” Stay away.” Suddenly we were falling, as the earth opened under us. I tried to grab for Mikael, but I lost him. At first the earth was yielding as the soil cushioned us. But then I heard the sickening crunch of bones colliding with the ground, as the crowd crushed some of the villagers. The impact with the rock and others falling on them brought death to us. The force of the fall crushed the wind of me. I struggled for air as my eyes wildly sort out Mikael and Mareid. Around me panicked adults crushed the young. But Mareid had found her brother and lifted him from the chaos. Her tear streaked face tore at my heart as I felt her despair. But we had to be strong. I pulled them close as we fought the sea of struggling bodies. Nicolous called for the boy and I lifted him onto his father’s shoulders, as we clung to the edge of the cold stone tunnel walls. Survival meant keeping away from the wave of panicked villages. I had to stop the wail of terror that threatened to erupt from me. A mother must be strong for her children. That strength can feel like both a blessing and curse. It keeps them feeling safe, but to do so I must deny my own emotions. I feel alone in my fear. But I cannot let the children see it. Nicolous, “Thank God for his height,” could see ahead. And we clung to him as we etched our way along the edge to an unknown future. Thoughts and fears collided in my mind, as they do now. But getting to safety was the overriding thought to which I had to cling. Worries of the future cannot help us now. I allow them to rise and then look at my children. Somewhere out there is Nadine.
Subscribe on www.kimvermaak.com and get your free copy of The Dragon Whisperer’s Field Guide.
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