The Plague We Live In (Part 7)

I remember the day Alvaro arrived at Vero Cafè. It was a November day, a rainy day, not cold though, in spite of being November. But the sky was covered and grey. The coffee shop was crowded, as usual, there was a cosy and warm atmosphere, in there.
I still recall those vivid images: us sitting at a table next to the big window, from which we could admire the large intersection, a crossroads of infinite traffic for noisy cars and colourful pedestrians.
I had an urgent gut feeling. How fast life was passing by.
Those days I had fallen in a deep state of dismay. Only she could mitigate my pain. She kissed me on the temple and stroked my hair to soothe my turbulence inside.
Without her, I would feel lost. I would be lost forever.
I felt as if I have been thrown into the Dostoevsky’s underground. I was in that underground, thrown in a corner, out of my life, excruciating myself for lack of real life. I felt that I lacked a sense of belonging to. I was a déraciné from that world. 
I lived in my underground with her. I loved watching her sleeping. I followed the features of her face while trying to find out who really was behind that beloved face. Who are you? Are you the person I think you are? What‘s behind you?
I perceived her face as an obstacle, an obstacle to the truth that I felt hidden behind the face I adored. An eternal and immutable truth, riddled with a matter that was-not-matter.One night I felt as if I were sleeping outside my body, as though a layer had been removed from me. And suddenly I looked at myself from above. I was there at a height of about two meters and I saw myself lying down.
Was I dead? Maybe, but I didn't feel like dead. I was just excited.
Was it all real?
I felt incredibly light. It was, however, a lightness that no human being can experience because we simply live stuck in bodies.
I wanted to look at my feet but couldn't find any feet. I then searched for my hands and did not even see the hands. Was I still experiencing something like being in a body that I was out of?
I remember being surrounded by incredible silence. An indescribable silence. A silence that we cannot perceive on earth in any way.
Then a door opened on my left side. It was not a door, it was like a door frame, and it was full of light. And that light had a different frequency than that on the earth. It was in no way comparable to sunlight.
I was attracted to the light and moved towards it. I moved slowly toward that source full of light. I heard a voice. A voice that said: Do you want to go? Do you really want to go?
It was just a voice. I saw nothing or nobody.
Do you really want to go? The voice repeated, for the third time. I thought of her, I looked at her lying in bed next to me. A force brought me back to my body at an incredible speed.
From that night a new consciousness took possession of my being. I realized that, we, humans are immortal. And what we experience as fear of death is only fear of immortality. We are beings made of consciousness and the universe we live in is pure consciousness, we belong to the universe as consciousness and we have the same greatness as that Consciousness. But the possibility of the infinite scares us.
We came to the existence in order to experience limitation and what it means for the conscience to be attached to, to be in need of, to love...we cannot be conscious of love without experiencing love within this very existence.
Challenging that grey November day Alvaro came in. He seemed to be a quiet, modest and serious person. He spoke aloud, in a baritone voice, and I remember that the Lithuanians close to our table appeared bothered by his tone. That morning I knew that he had arrived in Lithuania a few months ago, that he worked for an online newspaper.He had a strange way of looking. He seemed like one who was inspired by something which was beyond him and me and he knew what that was.