The Unexpected Path to Greatness
Have you ever had an employee with whom you didn’t get along at all? A person that rubbed you the wrong way in every way? A colleague whose name alone could trigger a fiery rampage inside your mind?
Has that person ever been the colleague you work closest with?
This happened to me once. Oh boy, what a difficult time it was. Nothing—I mean nothing!—infuriated me quite as much as this particular employee. Everything about her drove me crazy: she was disorganized and inconsiderate of other people’s time. She micromanaged her team members but missed all her own deadlines. She gave harsh criticism in front of everyone but wouldn’t listen to a word of feedback herself. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is this: she was the most challenging person I ever managed.
At the time, all I wanted to do was get rid of her—and quickly, before she destroyed my business! But I went about it the wrong way. I focused only on the negatives (of which I confess, there were many) and spent my time complaining about her disorganization, rudeness, lack of professionalism, and mean disposition. I was so focused on the negatives that I missed a powerful lesson: that I was in perfect control and that everything was made up in my mind.
I can just hear my former self screaming: “What?” Only in my mind? Yes, of course, her actions were real. But the misery and anger were all on me. I alone was responsible for how I interpreted her actions and their effects on me, my other employees, and my business.
I chose a mindset that led to defeat. Instead of focusing on what actions I needed to take to change the situation, I allowed myself to feel stuck in a cycle of complaining and inaction. I’m pretty disappointed by my own attitude of self-pity, in hindsight.
The biggest disappointment was missing this life-changing lesson that could have unlocked my potential greatness years earlier. All it would have taken was four mental shifts to turn the situation completely around. Here are the four things I learned that turn conflict with employees, colleagues, or partners into an opportunity to step onto the path to greatness.
Focus on the Experience.
Working with a challenging person or situation is not a good experience, but it is good experience. Catch that subtle nuance? Difficult people are in abundance, and you will, unfortunately, have personality clashes with colleagues, employees, or partners throughout your life. You will work for and with difficult people. You will manage difficult people. Anybody can sail smooth waters—it takes a seasoned sailor to navigate rough seas. Right now, you are becoming a seasoned sailor. Knowing how to work with difficult people will pay off in the long run. Heck, it might even save your business!
Reassess your motivation.
Moments like these are a great time to pause and reassess our motivation. When we believe that we hate our work because of a particular person or situation we are dealing with, we have to focus on the fact that we chose to do this in the first place in order to get through the ordeal. When we are in adversity, every day that we show up means that we decided that the pros outweigh the cons. The pros may not be at the forefront of your psyche, but they are in your brain somewhere, or else you would have quit as soon as times got tough.
What are the reasons that you are sticking around? Is it because you believe firmly in the mission of your work? It is because there’s a part of you that believes you have the leadership ability to change the structure of the team? Or is it because you like the perks that come with the work? Is it because you like the financial compensation or the flexibility the work provides? If you’re still showing up, there is a reason. Find your motivation and analyze it. Maybe you’ll find that the real reason you’re unhappy is that you’re living out of alignment with your values and need to make a switch. Or maybe you’ll find that you’re living exactly in alignment with your values, but that it doesn’t make you immune to adversity. Whatever the case, this is an opportunity to be more intimately connected to your motivations and desires for your career.
Learn from other people’s mistakes.
Congratulations! If you feel frustrated at someone in your workplace, pat yourself on the back. It means that you care. It means that you are engaged. That’s a big deal, considering the studies showing that more than half of people in their workplaces aren’t engaged. That even applies to business owners. Crazy, right? If you care about creating a happy and successful workplace, then this is your opportunity to learn from other people’s mistakes.
Being a leader is challenging. It’s a difficult road of constant learning and frequent uncertainty. Working with colleagues or employees is an amazing opportunity to learn from their mistakes and to learn what not to do.
Keep it in Perspective.
One of the most challenging mental feats is to keep adverse experiences in perspective. So few people are able to keep their cool and keep business as usual when they’re in adverse workplace circumstances. The people that do manage to stay calm have mastered the most important of all the mind-set shifts: that this experience doesn’t matter at all. Like all adverse moments, it will pass. Eventually, you will find a way to resolve the difficult situation or bring on an awesome new person.
The other thing they recognize is that the situation probably isn’t as severe as you believe it to be either. When we are in conflict, our mind hyper-focuses on the conflict and ramps up the intensity of the conflict. We get caught up in the drama instead of focusing on the actions we need to take to end the situation.
The next time you’re dealing with a difficult employee, partner, or colleague, remember this: adversity is an opportunity for learning and personal growth. It’s an opportunity for greatness. This too shall pass, and with the right mind-set, you will be better because of it!
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