The Fiver | Football may as well add a multi-ball feature, pugil sticks and a travelator

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Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! It’s a joyous celebration of Mexican-American culture. A reminder of the time Mexico gave the French a clip round the lug in 1862. An excuse to drink Super Bowlian quantities of session lager. And the name of the clothes shop Elaine Benes frequented in the hope of running a competing store, Putumayo, out of business after receiving bad service. “Hey, see these?” Lainey shouted through the window of Putumayo, pointing at her new shoes. “Cinco de Mayo! Sales commission, bye-bye-o!” Sadly it transpires the woman who was rude to her at Putumayo also owns Cinco de Mayo, and Elaine was saddled with a load of spite purchases she didn’t want. We sense we’re losing you. Let’s move on.

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