Who cares about eternity and damnation when there is "history" to be made?

This lede, from the January 14, 2012, edition of Fort Myers News-Press, is both humorous and very sad:

Judy Beaumont plans to take a historic step Saturday, one that will jeopardize her immortal soul.

Before even reading the rest of the completely unbiased, uncommonly objective, and smartly reported article (cue body-quaking laughter), I'm fairly certain I can guess the basics:

• Judy, a 60+-year-old grandmother, is going to be "ordained" a Catholic priest.
• Church officials note that she, in fact, cannot be ordained.
• But she presses on, believing she was called by God as a young girl to be a priest.
• She will be "ordained" in a local Episcopalian/Methodist/Presbyterian building.
• And while she is making history, dozens of other women have also been "ordained".
• There will be something about how being excommunicated isn't applicable to her, or that excommunication is something she thumbs her nose at with a clean conscience.
• They are portrayed as ordinary but brave and bright women standing up to bigotry, chauvinism, and centuries of antiquated, anti-modern traditon.

How'd I do? Here are a few quotes:

• "Beaumont, 74, of Fort Myers, is defying centuries-old doctrine in becoming the first woman in Southwest Florida to be ordained a Roman Catholic priest. The church decrees this role is reserved for men. Bishop Frank Dewane of the Diocese of Venice, which oversees the Catholic faithful in 10 counties, including all of Southwest Florida, has warned her not to cross that patriarchal line." Ah, clever: a clueless feminist line about "that patriarchal line".

• "Beaumont says she will follow her conscience and take the consequences. The ordination will be held at 3 p.m. at Lamb of God Church, a Lutheran-Episcopal congregation on Cypress View Drive in Fort Myers." Oh, "Luthern-Episcopal". Didn't see that coming.

• "'Of course, we all reject that excommunication, because it's a man-made rule that does not really follow what we know of Jesus, what Jesus would do,' said Beaumont, who entered the convent at 17 and was a Benedictine nun for 35 years. 'How can any group of human beings say to God, 'You can't call a woman.'?" Goodness, I didn't see the former nun angle coming either. Nice touch.

• In a video interview on the WINKnews.com site, Beaumont says, "God speaks through the people. The people have called me." Those "people" apparently don't include all Catholics faithful to Church doctrine, including the Pope; it likely consists of a handful of folks who just happen to agree with Beaumont (ya think, Carl?).

And, of course, there are the usual suspects quoted in the News-Press piece: National "Catholic" Reporter, Bridget Mary  Meehan ("a woman Catholic bishop"), "Jesuit scholar Gary Macy" (who is married, so is not a Jesuit, at least not now; it's not clear if he ever was a priest), Rev. Roy Bourgeois (shocker!), The Rev. Walter Fohs (an "Evangelical Lutheran senior pastor at Lamb of God Church"), and The Rev. Anne Robbins, "an Episcopal priest who serves as pastoral assistant at  Lamb of God", who provides a most revealing quote:

Robbins was ordained a priest in 1983, but women have been serving as Episcopal priests since 1977, she said.

"I don't think that God discriminates against women and I think that sometimes we have to do things that are not strictly legal in an organization in order to help it move forward, and that is what happened in the Episcopal Church," she said.

And that's not all that's happening in the Episcopal Church.