SHRINKAGE ON THE HIGHWAY

Woke up at 9:30 for an 11:00AM 13 miler. Checked weather.com. 17 degrees *Feels like 3 degrees. I stuck to the outfit I had planned to wear as I thought it may have been too much for 30 degrees but clearly we were far below that.

I busted out some hand warmers that have been sitting in my kitchen cabinet since last years Christmas stocking. (The reason I told you that is because I want to make it clear that hand warmers aren't something that I would go out of my way to purchase).

Nebraska sweatshirt, Jets hat, pants, gloves with warmers inside, sunglasses, small bottle of water, 20 bucks, and of course shoes, out the door I go to meet up with my buddy at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge.

My goal was 8 miles at or below 8:00, and the other 5 at whatever pace felt comfortable.

At mile 6.5 I opened my water to take a sip. It was half frozen. I spilled a little on my pants and was worried it would only make me colder, but it instantly froze and I was able to brush it off. I got rid of the water, upset that I had carried it for 6 and a half miles only to find out I couldn't drink it.

Mile 8 was our switchback. I'd decided to take a different route back than the way we came to keep things interesting. Which is why the switchback took place at mile 8 as opposed to mile 6.5. At the switchback, we turned around to come back, stopping for a couple of seconds just to catch our breath.

At this point, for whatever reason, my dick was instantly in severe pain. It came out of nowhere. I put my hand with the warmer in my pants to alleviate the situation, screaming at myself for never having purchased thermal underwear.

I have a circulation disease known as Raynaud's phenomenon which causes a decrease in blood supply to my extremities in cold weather. In the past it's only happened in my fingers and toes, now it looks like it was effecting my manhood. I stood there holding my dick on the West Side Highway. Screaming in pain, worried I was letting my partner down due to the break in the action. It was time to take matters into my own hands….

I took off my left glove and put it over my dick. I pulled my sweatshirt sleeve down over my hand, with the hand warmer still in my hand, and off we went. A half mile later the pain was gone.

All and all a kick ass day with all 8 of the fast miles coming at the beginning of the run, allowing us to trot home victoriously with disregard for our pace on the last 5 miles.

Thank you Saucony for making such nice gloves/dick warmers.