Kingdoms – SAMPLE

The following is an excerpt from something a little different I’ve been working on. It’s a bit of a mix of dark comedy and flintlock fantasy, and follows the life of a prince after a bloody revolution sees his birthright snatched from him. I plan on spending more time on this after completing the Plagueborne Trilogy, but here’s a little sample! 

 

Ah, yes, “kingdoms”. We had them once, for a time. We gave it an honest go, really we did… honest. The great experiment lasted for about as long as it took for the first royal highness to mouth off the first royal serving boy. Never have a go at someone with easy access to the silverware, else he’ll nick it—right after slitting your throat.

You see, the thing about kingdoms is that they require a king—or queen, but these are far from enlightened times. The first to the throne is always the proudest, the most determined to see things done right. He’s also normally the most blood thirsty. How else would he have become the first king? His heir—if he finds enough time between killing off the peasantry and beheading any opposition to make one—is an oaf. Always. Half- drunk, sleepy-eyed, and quite happy to bask in the successes of his father, the first heir will always, inevitably, unavoidably, die an early death. You see, he lacks the innate violence of the father—and the paranoia, too. Poison in the cup… a knife in the dark… A viper between the sheets—either serpent or wife, though usually the latter.

The third to throne… Well now, this is where things get interesting. I could wax lyrical about how the son learns from the mistakes of the father, is gentle where Granddad the Butcher would be hard, sober where his father was a drunkard, blah, blah, blah. But that would be tooting my own horn—and I’d rather have someone toot it for me. Ah, and here she comes right now, just on time. Toot toot.