How are you doing?

Well, here we are . It's April, 2020, and the whole world is experiencing something we never thought we'd have to deal with. A global pandemic is sweeping through our countries at a rate that , quite frankly, is scary. Three weeks ago, NZ had only three confirmed cases. Now, we're just over 1000, and it continues to rise every day. We've been in lockdown for twelve days now, with a minimum of sixteen more to go. It's enough to make anyone go a little stir crazy, and that's why I thought I would write this. I want to share my thoughts and feelings on this experience, both for my own record, and in the hopes that maybe I can reach someone else who is feeling the same and needs reassurance.

The first week, I set up a routine with the kids to keep them focused and still learning to a degree. The second week that started to waiver and the "lessons" didn't last as long. I found myself wandering aimlessly around the house in search of something to do, something to motivate me, inspire me. Nothing could hold my attention though, and I went back to floundering. I started berating myself for not being able to write, and for being lazy. You see, when we were told to prepare for lockdown, I said to myself, "This is it. This is the time you've been waiting for. Use this time without outside distractions to get those words down. Finish those books and get them out there." I thought it would be easy to just focus on words, but the reality is, deep down, I'm too worried. I didn't even realise how worried I was until this weekend when I was hit with a sore stomach that had me doubled over, unsure if I was going to vomit or pass out. It lasted maybe ten minutes, but the nausea has stayed with me the last few days, and there's no other reason for it other than I'm worried.

I worry that my friends or family may get sick. I worry that my children's education will suffer. I worry that this has the potential to last much longer than people are anticipating, and with that, I worry about the financial side of things. Already some of our largest companies have shut their doors and made their employees redundant. Which brings me back to - I need to use this time wisely to get ALL the words down so I can still bring in money for our family. What I didn't factor in though, is that so much of my creativity comes from being social, seeing friends and having conversations. It comes from seeing scenery from the car window on a trip, or walking through the native bush.

What I've come to realise though, is that it was too much pressure to put on myself. It's okay to not feel creative when we're going through a pandemic. It's okay to spend that time playing with your kids or laughing with your husband. I feel like we have become closer as a family again, both in our little bubble, and in the wider scheme of things. We set up a family check in on messenger, and now we speak to each other daily instead of just when someone is passing through. We've had family challenges to keep us entertained and occupied. We've shared pictures of what we're up to. It's like we've hit reset and gone back to basics, and I love it.

I have good days and bad days, as I'm sure many of you do too. I have days where I just want to wear my favourite trackies and lounge about doing nothing, and that's okay. But the key is to not let yourself wallow too much in the what ifs. We're all in this together, and no one knows how long it's going to be or what it will be like when we come out of it, so for now, I'm taking it day by day. I try to do something that makes me feel good each day, whether it's going for a walk around the block, or playing a game with my kids, watching a trashy show on Netflix (I'm on a Love is Blind spiral at the moment!), or even just putting on a pair of jeans and doing my hair. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you find that time each day to do something that makes you feel like you.

I don't know where I'll be when we come out on the other side of this, but I'd like to think I'll be stronger, and my family unit will be the most secure it's ever been.

Stay safe out there, guys. Look after one another, and reach out to those around you (in a social distancing kinda way). And remember, we can get through this, we just have to find the happy moments and treasure them.

Love you xxx