Insecure heart
Hi there folks! How’s the quarantine going on your side of the world? It’s been tough here since it’s been the very first time that a virus outbreak led to a global lock down, or quarantine if that sounds more appeasing.
For the last seven days since the quarantine started, my emotions been in circles. I get happy, sad, meh, worried, and insecure in between. Yeah, my insecurities been creeping in, like an old virus trying to eat up every cells in my body, more than the Covid-19 would. Staying at home and unable to go out, unless I need to buy essentials or need to drop by at work to sign something, made me feel troubled somehow.
Yeah, my insecurities been creeping in, like an old virus trying to eat up every cells in my body, more than the Covid-19 would.
I’m not really used to being at home all day or even all week, but I’ve been trying to entertain myself like doing my scrapbook, learning an old kind of Filipino writing called alibata(baybayin), dancing on Tiktok, working out, and most of all, I’ve been trying to be more understanding and patient.
To be honest, I’m in a long distance relationship right now. It’s just recent when I entered this relationship and I tried so hard not to compare it from my last one. I know he loves me, I can feel that, but being thousand miles away from each other, we only rely on communication (Facebook chat and video calls), but he’s not the type to chat or call everyday. Sometimes, a day would passed without any message from him and I really hate that. It really hurts, as if a knife is being struck in my chest. And one time, I stalked his profile and found an old profile picture of him with a woman whom he met on his travel. Geez. They weren’t even in a relationship but he used their photo as his profile picture. I know it’s an old one but I couldn’t help myself to feel insecure and jealous. He never used our pictures together to be his profile.
Yeah, I’m being shallow right now, but I’m trying to be less sensitive at this time of quarantine. I tried all things to keep me occupied because I know, my world shouldn’t revolve around him. We both have our own world to revolve to.
Sorry guys, I just needed to let these feelings out instead of bottling it up.
Sigh.
Signing out.
