They got in their own way.

93. We Went to the Woods – Caite Dolan-Leach

I thought this was going to be a thriller, so now when I see the phrase “slow burning” and it’s not a movie, I’m now going to be more concerned. For me, this never caught fire. There were just smoldering embers that never went one way or another because the people stoking those embers were too self-righteous and it was all snuffed out before they even kindled a flame. Insecurities don’t burn or really give me much of a thrill and I got tired of listening to them play out like they were supposed to be intriguing. Ooh, look, jealousy. Never seen that in a carefully crafted friend group before.

The narrator, Mack, a woman who has done something horrible in public, is now running from social media critique and finds some rich people who want to go off the grid like it’s some cute Thoreau throwback but better because they’re doing it and they’re so awake to the suffering of the earth and have enough money to pretend the barter system is clever and amusing. The main thing going for Mack is that she’s not as insufferable as the two main persons behind the “Homestead,” Beau and Louisa, but she’s bad enough.

Mack’s desperate to really be included and belong with these rich weirdos who want to artisanally make food and pretend to be polyamorous and do some eco-terrorism, and yet she was the most relatable when she wanted to go home for Christmas. Sure, once she got there she was unable to stop herself from judging her working class family and their iceberg lettuce salad even though she knows that’s what will be there, but, at least she realized she wanted that and also cared about that poor dog. Everyone else was too busy being smug and unrealistic enough to think their “principles” were real and not just a passing phase they’d ditch when it got old – or nature took its revenge on their ideas about going out to terrorize in snowstorms.

Honestly, I wanted to know what happened to the goat. For all the randomly included information about how they were homesteading, nobody mentioned winter fortification for that goat they got. The goat needed a winter bed, did anyone set that shit up? Deal with parasites? Granted, parasites are technically organic, but, seriously, when your bullshit collective is collapsing under the weight of its own pretensions, the goat still needs to be taken care of. The goat didn’t ask for this and is also probably better at terrorizing because goats aren’t bound by human laws.

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Snuffy also does not eat iceberg lettuce, but she doesn’t care if you do. She has her blankies and her own treats and is also not bound by human laws.