Just Getting it Right

Now that my eldest daughter is twenty-three I'm just learning how to be a decent mother. She might disagree with me--hopefully!--but I didn't have a clue what I was doing while she was growing up. I remember when Cait was born and the nurse said, "Okay, you can take her home."

Instant panic seized me. What did I know about taking care of a baby? They were going to trust me with this tiny person? Without some kind of instruction? That's just crazy! Somehow we managed to keep her and her sisters alive. But we aren't really taught how to be parents. We're shown, kind of, IF we were paying attention to what our own parents did and didn't do as we grew up. But who knows if they knew what they were doing? I tried, mind you. Disciplined them, volunteered in their classrooms, signed them up for T-ball and swim lessons, led a Girl Scout troop.

But, honestly, when you're twenty-five you don't know squat. I'm speaking of myself, mind you!

Perspective changes as we age, thankfully. Now at almost 48 I'm just figuring out what really matters and what does not. Both of those things are key to making good decisions as a parent. For example when Cait started on the tennis team in seventh grade I thought it was really important that she play well and win. Guess what? NOT important.

I thought it was really important that my girls get a four year college degree, but it's far more important that they find their life in Christ and do whatever He wants with their lives, whether that means college or not.

I thought popularity, having lots of good friends, was important. Turns out that is often a snare, especially with the wrong kinds of friends, that leads to all manner of problems. Better that they be unpopular but grounded in who they are.

I thought it was important that we provide a nice home and a pretty wardrobe, but what they really want is time with us. If we live in a hovel, they don't really care. I grew up in a trailer court. My mom loved me and knew how to show me. I never felt deprived. Sure, kids teased me about it. But I didn't care what they said. We were a solid family.

Time is really all we have with our kids, and trust me as someone who's already raised three of my five girls, it goes swiftly. I keep thinking I can go back, but in truth while I can advise them I'm really done raising them. I can be their friend now, but the patterns they established during those years when I was too busy running here and there to actually pay attention are set.

So, I'm doing it differently with our two little girls. I'm paying attention now! Knowing that in everything I do I am the teacher. So what lessons do I want to teach them?

To love God above all else, and know deep in their hearts that He loves them and will never forsake them.

To be kind.

To be respectful--of others, of our home, the planet.

To look for ways to bless others, be givers.

To pray and seek Him always.

To do their best at everything they put their hand to. And that means not putting their hands to so many things that this isn't possible.

It's too bad it's taken me so long to figure all this out. But I know something else, God can use my poor parenting too. They might need to learn forgiveness, but that's a good thing. He is in the business of redeeming after all and they didn't turn out all bad. ;)

I love them!

Traci