Book Club Conclusion! with your {bits & pieces}
I have enjoyed discussing this book with you so much! I hope you have enjoyed it too. Little did we know how we’d be spending our days as we moved through Lent…
A Modest Conclusion: Innocence: On p. 243 Shalit says this: “The most obvious connotation of sexual modesty is, of course, innocence. Yet I have been shying away from this aspect of it all along. I have defended modesty, essentially, in the most obscene way, but I did it because I had a hunch that this was the only way our culture would ever reconsider it. [Keep in mind that her intended audience isn’t homeschooling moms but the elite academic and sophisticated urban guardians of culture or the lack thereof.] At least at first. But now that we have explored the aspects of modesty which are most counterintuitive, let’s end by examining what is intuitively true about modesty.”
And that is that innocence should be reclaimed — for ourselves and for our children.
For years now I have written about modesty, innocence, purity, and chastity. I have tried to say that we have a sacred duty to do whatever it takes to protect our children. It’s always stunning to me that grown adults will argue, saying that this is a lost cause, that innocence is lost.
It’s as if the nature of a child has changed. But it hasn’t. Children still can only know about life what we choose to expose them to. They still come with no preconceived notions and no hindsight. It’s we who have changed the nature of parenting in order to rationalize our own choices and our lack of courage!
I can’t find it now, but one of the writers Shalit mentions at the beginning (Katie Roiphe?) wrote a review of A Return to Modesty — I think it was in Vogue Magazine. I remember reading it in a checkout line at the grocery store! Whoever it was acknowledged the truth of what Shalit said about the loss of innocence, but concluded that “experience” was worth the cost. Of course, if she wasn’t willing to repent of her life, which had been defined precisely by her abdication of modesty, what other recourse did she have? Take your stand, the world says.
But listen to Charles Péguy (I encountered this passage in John Saward’s The Beauty of Holiness and the Holiness of Beauty):
They say they’re full of experience; they gain from experience.
Day by day they pile up their experience.
“Some treasure!”, says God.
A treasure of emptiness and of dearth…
What you call experience, your experience, I call dissipation, diminishment, decrease, the loss of innocence…
No, it’s innocence that is full and experience that is empty…
It is innocence that knows and experience that does not know…
On Modesty in Men: I knew that at the end of this discussion I would want to say something about men. The book really doesn’t address this aspect of the discussion (other than in passing), but it certainly comes up when we try to extol modesty in girls — and when it does, the ensuing discussion always leaves me frustrated, because the truth is, men and women are not the same. I’m trying to put my thoughts in words here…
Men in scanty clothing are not provocative (except to other gay men). Maybe this is just me, but when women fantasize about men, they are wearing dashing uniforms or crisp tuxedos! If I am wrong, then explain the popularity among women of BBC costume dramas! And yet this fantasy is not prurient.
We worry for a woman who shows up at a party wearing what turns men on (men who don’t guard their thoughts); we are generally satisfied if a man arrives at a party wearing a tux or his military dress. It seems fitting! (Unless it’s a beach party, I suppose!)
Modesty in men has nothing to do with revealing or hiding the body. Or rather, men’s nakedness is just not what women’s nakedness is. But for men, the issue is being respectful of others in their dress. Where a woman is protecting her self with her modesty, a man is protecting others with his.
And given how much is said on women’s dress or undress, I am claiming the right to say a few words about how men should dress to be respectful.
When a man wears an underwear shirt around the house, he shows disrespect for the inhabitants thereof. He feels comfortable; they must endure the implicit insult. The proof is that his wife will say, “It doesn’t bother me.” Not: “I love it when he wears his underwear shirt around the house, it shows how much he cares.”
When a woman goes to church in a short skirt that reveal her shape where it should be draped a bit more, she is crying out for attention to be directed to herself. When a man goes to church in sports attire or casual wear (like a printed t-shirt and shorts), the effect is quite different. The energy doesn’t go towards him, it comes from him in the form of apathy and disrespect.
A man who strips off his shirt like the cock of the walk isn’t being sexually provocative, but he is trumpeting his refusal to take on a respectful attitude. It’s interesting that because being shirtless isn’t sexual (the way it would be with a girl), people tend to think it’s fine. But it’s not, for a different reason. I was much impressed with a Catholic man, a contractor and father of many, who told me that he never let his men work without a shirt. For him it was a matter of respect.
For a man, modesty in dress is not a sexual matter (speaking here of normal relations between men and women). When a man does dress in a sexually predatory way (open shirt, tight pants), he doesn’t trigger a sexual response in women so much as whatever the response is that enables narcissism.
For parents, the challenge with girls is to give them the gift of modesty, which includes protecting their bodies with clothing that is attractive and useful but not revealing. The challenge with boys is to give them enough awareness of their surroundings that they are able to choose the right clothing for the situation, so that they project responsibility and a desire to protect. This is the gift of chivalry.
So those are my (wordy) thoughts! I am so interested to know what you thought of the book overall!
bits & pieces
Some resources for being stuck in the house (the faithful are free to choose a form). Plan now for tomorrow, so that your Sunday may be sanctified!:
Praying the Mass (Traditional Form)
Praying the Mass (Novus Ordo)
Praying the Divine Liturgy (Orthodox)
Praying the Divine Office
My advice for learning to pray the Rosary as a family.
You can and should baptize your baby or a person who desires baptism or is in danger of death if no priest is available and you are reasonably sure that he won’t be for some time. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1256. Know the exact Trinitarian form and use it.
The artist Daniel Matsui has made printouts available for free, for coloring and devotions.
Let me once again remind you of this amazing free resource for home learning: Ambleside Online.
U.S Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has announced that it’s lifting restrictions on telecommunications between health professionals and patients. “We are empowering medical providers to serve patients wherever they are during this national public health emergency,” said Roger Severino, OCR Director. “We are especially concerned about reaching those most at risk, including older persons and persons with disabilities.” Auntie Leila’s advice is that you should not take a child to the doctor or ER if you can possibly avoid it, like for ear infections or other issues that can be addressed over the phone. Know that the HIPAA regulations have been lifted.
Free classic audio books.
As of now, there is no evidence that ibuprofen shouldn’t be used in cases of corona virus (just meaning studies haven’t been done, but that’s something, when the advice has been saying that it is not good — my issue is that acetaminophen — Tylenol — has detrimental effects).
An interview with J. R. R. Tolkien.
Are you baking lots of bread now? (I hope so!) This is the best method I have found for developing gluten in my dough: a certain stretch and fold that you do 30 minutes after resting your just-mixed dough, and then two more times if you can manage it, 30 minutes apart. Wet hands really helps things along. (But I do it on the counter or in a big heavy tin or bowl so I don’t have to deal with that annoying little bowl he has in the video). Then bulk rise the dough as usual.
from the archives
10 Survival Tactics for Rescuing a Bad Day
What is the LMLD Library Project?
Protecting innocence in children.
liturgical year
follow us everywhere!
Stay abreast of the posts when they happen:
I just share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
If you want politics, rants, and takes on what is going on in the Church:
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow — my posts are public — sometimes I share articles here that don’t make it into {bits & pieces})
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest. Bridget’s Pinterest.
And the others on IG: Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.Habou’s Instagram.
The post Book Club Conclusion! with your {bits & pieces} appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
