4 science-based strategies to tame angry political debate and encourage tolerance

“Climate change is a hoax,” my cousin said during a family
birthday party. “I saw on Twitter it’s just a way to get people to buy
expensive electric cars.” I sighed while thinking, “How can he be so
misinformed?” Indeed, what I wanted to say was, “Good grief, social media lies
are all you read.”

No doubt my cousin thought the same of me, when I said
Republican senators are too afraid of the president to do what’s right. Not
wanting to create a scene, we let each other’s statements slide by in icy
silence.

As a psychology professor and clinical psychologist in private
practice, I know my relationship with my cousin would have improved if we could
have discussed those issues in a nonthreatening way. If only.

I’m not alone in my frustration – and my desire for change. A
December 2019 poll conducted by Public Agenda/USA TODAY/Ipsos showed more than nine
out of 10 Americans said it’s time to reduce divisiveness, which
they believe is exacerbated by government leaders and social media. People want
to stop the animosity and relate to one another again. But how?

Based on my knowledge of psychological research, here are four approaches you can use to overcome divisiveness.

[image error]Don’t isolate yourself from people with different points of view.

1. Connect

Avoiding interactions with people who have different
opinions perpetuates divisiveness. Risk
connecting with these people. Relate through activities you enjoy such as
volunteering, joining a “Meetup” group or starting a book club.
You could even invite people from various backgrounds to a potluck dinner at
your home.

What activities like these share is a common goal, which creates
a cooperative atmosphere instead of a competitive one. Research demonstrates
that contact alone does not ensure
cooperative interaction. To truly connect, you both have
to demonstrate respect while working on a common goal.

2. Find common ground

It’s important to remember the basic need to feel secure is shared
by all people. Focusing on commonalities can lead to a deeper understanding of
another person, while focusing on differences will lead to arguments.

An argument involves two people asserting one is right while the
other is wrong. But what gets lost in this scenario is the common ground of the
problem they both are trying to wrestle with.

Restate the problem. Together, brainstorm all the different ways
it might be solved.

For example, a person might say the only way to protect America
from terrorism is to sharply limit immigration. Instead of challenging that
immigration must be limited, you can restate the problem – then ask if there
might be ways to deal with terrorism besides limiting immigration. You might
find some solutions you agree upon.

3. Communicate

Listen more and talk less. Show the other person you have
understood what they said before jumping in with your thoughts.

Everyone wants to be acknowledged as heard. If they are not, they will continue to press their point. So, to stop an argument in its tracks, start listening and reflect back what you’ve heard.

You’ve probably experienced listening for only what you want to
hear – and possibly found yourself not listening at all. You may just be
waiting to give a knee-jerk reaction to what the other person is saying.

To listen well, you need to first open your ears, eyes and
heart. Examine your biases so you can hear without judgment. Suspend your
self-interest and stay with what the other person is saying. Then tell that
person what you heard.

Showing empathy does not mean you
necessarily agree with what the other person is saying. It just
means you’re reassuring the other person you have listened before making your
own statement.

Now, it’s time for you to share where you’re coming from. Take a
deep breath. Cool down and reassess your thoughts so you can give a considered
response, instead of a quick reaction. You can disagree without being
disrespectful.

Communication using the above process leads to a conversation instead of an argument and builds a more trusting relationship. It takes only one of you to create an empathetic conversation, as empathy begets empathy. The more compassionate understanding you give, the more you get.

[image error]Be skeptical and learn to recognize when you are being manipulated by divisive content.

4. Learn to critically evaluate
media

Don’t passively accept all that you see and hear. There
are too many
sources of distorted facts, unsupported opinions and outright lies
available today. Critically evaluate what is being presented by considering the
source and fact-checking the content.

Above all, if the message seems fake, don’t share it. Google has
a fact-checking tool, and First Draft News has tools
to evaluate false content and the way it is disseminated. You can also
consult Full Fact and CUNY’s
fact-checking guide. So, when you hear or see someone sharing fake
information, don’t challenge it. Instead, show how to fact check the
information.

Avoid anger and hate in the content you consume. Evaluate
whether it is seeking to pit you against another person or group. Follow media
that supports empathy, compassion and understanding. But don’t get lulled into
a bubble by reading only content you agree with. Help children and teens, not
only to critically evaluate media, but also to become kind and caring toward
people who are different from them. Teach tolerance by showing tolerance. Yes,
you are only one person trying to create change, but your influence does
matter.

As for me, the next time I see my cousin, I plan to listen with empathy; let him know I understand his point of view; and try to identify a common goal around which we can share our perspectives.

(The above article was first posted in The Conversation.)