The Fiver | If this was the music hall, the orchestra would start vamping now

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It’s fair to say the success of the Fiver’s STOP FOOTBALL campaign has proved something of a Pyrrhic victory. We had long assumed a world without soccer would be an excuse to throw our tatty old boots up on to the desk and crack open a couple of metal cylinders of Tin, every afternoon for the next 12 refreshing, cool-fermented, craft-brewed months. But no, The Man insists the show must go on. Bah. Well, this is only our fourth edition since the shutters came crashing down and already we’ve totally run out of ideas on how to fill this space. A sum total of three, we had. Gah! If this was the music hall, the orchestra would start vamping now, allowing The Fiver to break into a soft-shoe shuffle before briskly exiting stage left, high-kicking while waggling a boater and wearing a toothy grin. Curtain down, lights on, please do drive home safely.

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