IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!
If ever there was a damning statement, this one surely kicks you square in the ‘cahoonas’. Wow, I mean, seriously?! Gosh, so I’m a completely ego centric male! I guess I must have been lying when I said I was a family man. Just think about it, all those years swanning off, spending my weekends on the golf course and going out getting trashed with my mates. Yes, I guess she must be right! But wait…hold on a second…that’s not me. Maybe, somehow, I wish that could have been me, but no, I’m completely the opposite.
By means of example let’s analyse my week. I’ve spent 100% of my time with the family. I’ve played board games with the kids. I’ve played badminton with them. I’ve pushed my back to the limits playing football and rugby in the garden. I looked after the kids all day Saturday while my wife went to see her mum. I spent one evening taking my son to rugby training. I spent another evening taking my other son to football training. I almost bought my 16-yr-old son a new car (aborted due to dodgy sales guy). I’ve sold my car in order to finance his. I’ve done the hoovering, cleaned the bathrooms, done the laundry, ironed the shirts. Cleaned up after breakfast and dinner. I’ve gone out for walks with my wife because she wanted to, and even though my back was done in from playing with the kids. I’ve listened to her. I’ve been there for her, when she’s complained her brother’s wife wasn’t there to listen to him. I’ve spent time on the phone to her mum. I’ve volunteered to help her mum. The list goes on and on, but not once have I done anything for myself. In fact, the reality is it’s not all about me, it’s all about everyone else. I am the most selfless father there could be. Only her dearly departed father could trump me on that, however, that said, not once in his life did he do any cooking, laundry or housework. Maybe through choice or maybe just because his wife was too controlling.
And that’s where I find myself now. If I have any flaws, it would be that, every once in a while, I have to challenge the status quo, and this is always instantly met with derision. My wife didn’t like being challenged on her lying to me, but equally I am no wall flower. I don’t like being lied to, FULL STOP. What else did I do wrong? I took the kids to one side and had a calm and considered conversation about the fact that they didn’t clean up after their Friday night Pizza and left the playroom in a mess.
We cook, clean and look after these teenagers 24/7. It does no harm whatsoever to remind them that we are not their slaves and that perhaps, once in a while, they should think about helping mum and dad rather than stuffing their faces and immediately retiring to the sofa to reconnect with their phones, tablets and PS4. To me that’s just good parenting. Oh, and I didn’t get them each a big fat Friday night chocolate bar as a treat. Both decisions were not well received by my wife.
So, what else? Oh yes, at Dinner we were discussing with the children that one of their teachers was selling ice creams and ice lollies at break. I suggested that perhaps that wasn’t so clever if he wanted the children to behave in class. My son piped up with the fact that most of the kids particularly the naughty ones, were bringing in Lucozade and other sugary drinks and bags of sweets. My wife instantly derided this as bad parenting in a tone which exemplified us. I rushed to defend the situation suggesting she shouldn’t be so quick to judge and pointed out the fact that we had little clue what our kids were eating and drinking at School. My son backed me up saying kids can buy whatever they want at school and moreover buy stuff from the local shops.
But the damage was done! I was immediately the pariah. In those few seconds of trying to raise a valid opinion in an open family discussion, I had gone from being dutiful dad and husband, to a man she hated. In her world everything was, ‘about me’. I thought we had moved on, turned a new leaf, but since the death of her father, she has once again pushed me away and we are back to square one.WTF!! I'm having a MID LIFE CRISIS: failing in lifeOliver Very
By means of example let’s analyse my week. I’ve spent 100% of my time with the family. I’ve played board games with the kids. I’ve played badminton with them. I’ve pushed my back to the limits playing football and rugby in the garden. I looked after the kids all day Saturday while my wife went to see her mum. I spent one evening taking my son to rugby training. I spent another evening taking my other son to football training. I almost bought my 16-yr-old son a new car (aborted due to dodgy sales guy). I’ve sold my car in order to finance his. I’ve done the hoovering, cleaned the bathrooms, done the laundry, ironed the shirts. Cleaned up after breakfast and dinner. I’ve gone out for walks with my wife because she wanted to, and even though my back was done in from playing with the kids. I’ve listened to her. I’ve been there for her, when she’s complained her brother’s wife wasn’t there to listen to him. I’ve spent time on the phone to her mum. I’ve volunteered to help her mum. The list goes on and on, but not once have I done anything for myself. In fact, the reality is it’s not all about me, it’s all about everyone else. I am the most selfless father there could be. Only her dearly departed father could trump me on that, however, that said, not once in his life did he do any cooking, laundry or housework. Maybe through choice or maybe just because his wife was too controlling.
And that’s where I find myself now. If I have any flaws, it would be that, every once in a while, I have to challenge the status quo, and this is always instantly met with derision. My wife didn’t like being challenged on her lying to me, but equally I am no wall flower. I don’t like being lied to, FULL STOP. What else did I do wrong? I took the kids to one side and had a calm and considered conversation about the fact that they didn’t clean up after their Friday night Pizza and left the playroom in a mess.
We cook, clean and look after these teenagers 24/7. It does no harm whatsoever to remind them that we are not their slaves and that perhaps, once in a while, they should think about helping mum and dad rather than stuffing their faces and immediately retiring to the sofa to reconnect with their phones, tablets and PS4. To me that’s just good parenting. Oh, and I didn’t get them each a big fat Friday night chocolate bar as a treat. Both decisions were not well received by my wife.
So, what else? Oh yes, at Dinner we were discussing with the children that one of their teachers was selling ice creams and ice lollies at break. I suggested that perhaps that wasn’t so clever if he wanted the children to behave in class. My son piped up with the fact that most of the kids particularly the naughty ones, were bringing in Lucozade and other sugary drinks and bags of sweets. My wife instantly derided this as bad parenting in a tone which exemplified us. I rushed to defend the situation suggesting she shouldn’t be so quick to judge and pointed out the fact that we had little clue what our kids were eating and drinking at School. My son backed me up saying kids can buy whatever they want at school and moreover buy stuff from the local shops.
But the damage was done! I was immediately the pariah. In those few seconds of trying to raise a valid opinion in an open family discussion, I had gone from being dutiful dad and husband, to a man she hated. In her world everything was, ‘about me’. I thought we had moved on, turned a new leaf, but since the death of her father, she has once again pushed me away and we are back to square one.WTF!! I'm having a MID LIFE CRISIS: failing in lifeOliver Very
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