The Fiver | It’s doom and gloom squared, on the end of a shiny stick

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Coronavirus. Coronavirus! It’s not the easiest subject from which The Fiver has tried to extract some of its alleged, once-popular trademark whimsy. Then again, we’ve been set up with plenty of open goals over the years, too, and we’ve missed nearly all of those as well. So it’s not as though you’re going to notice much difference. What we will say is, hats off to the socially responsible Pepe Reina, Frédéric Guilbert, Björn Engels, Tyrone Mings and Matt Targett, who diligently self-isolated on Monday, operating independently in exclusion zones miles apart from each other, thus ensuring nobody in the Aston Villa defence had any chance of catching anything. Sadly, this had the unfortunate knock-on effect of ensuring none of them were able to catch Harvey Barnes or Jamie Vardy either, but in times of national emergency you have to make sacrifices. What did you do in the war, daddy? Keep calm and etc.

Related: Pep Guardiola: it is inevitable English games will go behind closed doors

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