The Vicar has died
So, in my last Blog I touched on Shakespeare, the master of a tragedy and how poetic, that today a tragedy becomes me and my family. The vicar had died! ‘Vic’ as I referred to him in my book is my wife’s father and it is with great sadness and humility that he has indeed passed from this world today.
In some respects, I feel disrespectful that my first reaction should be to turn to my blog to announce to the ‘www’ vacuum my grief. To share my burden with the world, even before I have had chance to tell my children. But I guess this is all part of the healing process, the therapy of words unsaid. Oh, the irony of the quiet, humble man. A man of few words, yet a man who worshipped the power of books and the written word, especially the bible.
He was a scholar, a man who devoured books and held in the highest esteem those intellectual thinkers. He plays a small role in my book and now in his passing I combat myself as to whether I have maligned him and his impact on my life. I owe him much, not least because he bestowed upon me his beautiful daughter who became my wife.
At this point, as the tears run down my cheeks, I may be conflicted in my emotions and perhaps confused by what lies ahead. It’s a sobering moment with so many unanswered questions. Why, if he was a vicar and served the Lord for the latter 10 years of his life, did God turn his back on him? Was he a sinner? Was he punished to live out his last few years in purgatory before finally being allowed into heaven? Why did God introduce a Vicar who was not there to help his wife in her hour of need? What happened to faith? I didn’t see any prayers being answered.
Anyone who’s read my book, will appreciate Vic’s turn of phrase, ‘it’s God Will’. Was it God’s will that gave him both, vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s? Was it God’s will that made him turn violent against his wife who he had adored for 50 years? Was it God’s will that made him pull down his trousers in the care home and urinate on the floor. ‘God’s will’ is a deep and powerful concept that will haunt me for years to come. It’s a dichotomy which I have explored in detail in my book.
Unexpected things happen in life and the perspective with which you deal with it can have profound consequences. Who can explain why I suddenly started writing? Who can explain why just a few days ago I awoke and had the most amazing idea for a series of children’s books? I wrote and wrote and wrote, nonstop for 3 days and the ideas just kept coming. Is that ‘gods will’ preparing for the passing of my dear father-in-law. Is it divine intervention that I am now driven to dedicate my books to him. To make him proud of what I have become. How I’ve turned my life around so that I can keep his daughter and grandchildren safe, happy and fulfilled.
Alan, I owe you more than you will ever know or read about in any of my books. You have instilled on me the highest values of living life as a family man and for that I am eternally grateful. I am determined my children’s books will be a resounding success for years to come and I will be worthy of sitting on that pedestal with those great authors you loved so dearly. R.I.P Alan. XXX
WTF!! I'm having a MID LIFE CRISIS: failing in life
In some respects, I feel disrespectful that my first reaction should be to turn to my blog to announce to the ‘www’ vacuum my grief. To share my burden with the world, even before I have had chance to tell my children. But I guess this is all part of the healing process, the therapy of words unsaid. Oh, the irony of the quiet, humble man. A man of few words, yet a man who worshipped the power of books and the written word, especially the bible.
He was a scholar, a man who devoured books and held in the highest esteem those intellectual thinkers. He plays a small role in my book and now in his passing I combat myself as to whether I have maligned him and his impact on my life. I owe him much, not least because he bestowed upon me his beautiful daughter who became my wife.
At this point, as the tears run down my cheeks, I may be conflicted in my emotions and perhaps confused by what lies ahead. It’s a sobering moment with so many unanswered questions. Why, if he was a vicar and served the Lord for the latter 10 years of his life, did God turn his back on him? Was he a sinner? Was he punished to live out his last few years in purgatory before finally being allowed into heaven? Why did God introduce a Vicar who was not there to help his wife in her hour of need? What happened to faith? I didn’t see any prayers being answered.
Anyone who’s read my book, will appreciate Vic’s turn of phrase, ‘it’s God Will’. Was it God’s will that gave him both, vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s? Was it God’s will that made him turn violent against his wife who he had adored for 50 years? Was it God’s will that made him pull down his trousers in the care home and urinate on the floor. ‘God’s will’ is a deep and powerful concept that will haunt me for years to come. It’s a dichotomy which I have explored in detail in my book.
Unexpected things happen in life and the perspective with which you deal with it can have profound consequences. Who can explain why I suddenly started writing? Who can explain why just a few days ago I awoke and had the most amazing idea for a series of children’s books? I wrote and wrote and wrote, nonstop for 3 days and the ideas just kept coming. Is that ‘gods will’ preparing for the passing of my dear father-in-law. Is it divine intervention that I am now driven to dedicate my books to him. To make him proud of what I have become. How I’ve turned my life around so that I can keep his daughter and grandchildren safe, happy and fulfilled.
Alan, I owe you more than you will ever know or read about in any of my books. You have instilled on me the highest values of living life as a family man and for that I am eternally grateful. I am determined my children’s books will be a resounding success for years to come and I will be worthy of sitting on that pedestal with those great authors you loved so dearly. R.I.P Alan. XXX
WTF!! I'm having a MID LIFE CRISIS: failing in life
No comments have been added yet.
