How do you think without an inner voice?

Several months after realising that the inner eye isn't figurative, I also learnt that the inner voice isn't either. Most of the people I've spoken to about this have told me that they have an inner monologue. Some people hear it as a voice, others just know the words that are there.

I don't have an inner monologue. I can think in words if I need to, but I generally don't. It's hard to explain, but the best I can do is to say that I think in thoughts. I can put those thoughts into words, by speaking them out loud or saying them silently inside my head, and I can represent them in pictures, by drawing, though not well, but again, I usually don't. These thoughts aren't the same as feelings, though obviously they can be associated with feelings. Maybe my thoughts are like binary code, while other people are working with Windows, though I don't think my thoughts are less sophisticated in process or outcome.

When I first learnt that other people had an inner voice, I was really surprised. I'd understood that hearing voices inside your head was a feature of mental illness. I'd assumed that theatrical monologues and film and tv voice-overs expressing the narrator's thoughts represented a one-sided conversation with the audience or perhaps the reading of a diary if it was retrospective. I hadn't understood that that type of internal monologue might be going on in the heads of people around me. This is a genuinely odd and unsettling concept. Are you talking about me? How do you find time to think?

At the moment, I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I feel as if everyone else has had a daemon all along, and that makes me feel as if I must be more alone. On the other hand, I can't imagine how tedious it would be to have myself inside my head wittering on about putting my shoes on and it looks like a  nice day I'll chance it without a coat make sure the door's locked and is that so-and-so from number 12 what is he wearing? I wonder if he's going to say hello today and oh yes he's seen me and he's smiling so he doesn't know it was me who left the gate open when his dog escaped and there's the bus I'll have to run ...

Is that what it's like? I'm only guessing. I can no more understand what it's like to have an internal monologue than you (forgive my presumption) can understand what it's like not to have one. For what it's worth, here are some observations which now make more sense to me:

I process speech a bit more slowly than other people, which is particularly awkward when an emotional response is required. Sometimes people are willing to re-open conversations when I've caught up with them, but sometimes that isn't an option, which can leave me at a disadvantage. My Nanna had this worse. She used to ring up a day after hearing good news, to make the appropriate response: "Isn't it lovely that you're having a baby/getting married/starting a new job?" Of course I think of witty responses too late as well, but this is about not really taking in what's been said until the conversation has moved on. Is that unusual?I find phatic communication (small talk) dull and difficult, though I have learnt to do it because I understand that it's more important than its content. Is it easier for other people? Are they just verbalising a censored version of their inner monologue? Or does everyone struggle with small talk?I don't think I'm contrary for the sake of it, but I do tend to question things that other people seem willing to go along with. Are other people verbalising their questions and doubts internally and filtering what they say out loud?When I do use words inside my head, it's usually with a specific person in mind, though their half of the conversation is missing. Is that how it is with an inner voice, or is the listener yourself?Although I don't have myself to talk to, I don't feel lonely when I'm on my own. I don't talk to myself out loud when I'm alone, beyond the occasional interjection (Ouch! Idiot!). Apparently other people do.

Since I can think in words if I need to, I'm going to experiment with doing it more to see whether I have a sad and neglected inner voice that's willing to give me another chance. I'll keep you posted.